Page 1 of 2 Rules, boundaries and routines

Like a beautiful plant that grows rampant if left untamed, kids run wild if left to their own devices. They need rules to guide them, boundaries to give them a sense of safety and security (and also something to push against!) and routines to give daily life predictability so they can use their time and energy for more important things than food feuds or bedtime battles.

If the term ‘rules’ conjures up images of Victorian parents reigning with a rod of iron and expecting their children to be seen but not heard, think again. All families have rules even if they are unspoken. The trouble with unspoken rules is that they can lead to chaos, anger and confusion because kids don’t know where they stand. Far better to get them out in the open.

Springing a whole set of new rules without any warning can make kids feel insecure and lead to bad behaviour, however. To avoid this, warn them a few days before you intend to set new rules. Keep reminding them and when the time comes to implement the new regime write the rules down and pin them up somewhere where everyone can see. This approach is advocated in Supernanny. Even if your little ones can’t read yet, you can still display the rules and read them out to them.

Everything is more manageable if broken down so when asking your child to do a task break it down into distinct steps. An older child can have a written tick list to check off. Make sure that your child understands what they need to do by asking questions. For example, ‘So what are you going to do? That’s right, first you are going to pick up your dirty clothes and put them in the linen basket. And then what?’ And so on.

Psychologists have established that it takes 21 days to acquire new habits, so if your child doesn’t respond at first, be patient, and keep reminding your child of the rules and reward them for good behaviour until it becomes automatic.

Please note: the Little Darlings book is not written by Jo Frost.

Next page »