Page 1 of 2 Getting on with other people

Kids just wanna have fun

There's nothing more heartbreaking than a child who has no friends. More often than not friendless children want to be part of the gang but don't know how to go about it.

Research shows that being able to tune into others' feelings is crucial. To break into a game, for example, a younger child might suggest ways of making the game more fun. You can help by encouraging him or her to think up several suggestions.

A lonely teen may be someone who has never learnt to think about how others feel. Such reflection starts at home. It goes back to the rules about being firm and linking your child's action to the consequence. For example, a teenager constantly shouts, swears at and even hits his mother. Not surprisingly he has no friends. In this situation it is important that the teenager understands the impact of his behaviour on others. Saying something along the lines of, 'I don't like it when you hit me. It makes me feel upset.' – makes a clear link between his behaviour and your reaction. By applying the same technique, you can help your children to develop empathy, an essential skill needed to make friends.

Use occasions like coming back from school or teatime to talk about how their day has gone. Encourage them to reflect on why other children behaved in the way they did, using reflective listening skills. They might also like to hear about what you've been up to.

As with all skills, getting on with others is something that takes practice, so give your kids plenty of opportunities to mix.

Take them to mother and baby groups as babies, and encourage them to join youth clubs, sport or hobby groups as they get older. Inviting other kids back for tea, taking friends on outings or on holiday, all give your child the chance to learn the best ways of mixing well with others.

If you've ever achieved anything, from getting a job that you wanted to losing weight, you'll know that sticking at it is the key. It's all too easy for a slip to become an avalanche and before you know it you're back where you started.

It's much the same with parenting. In these articles we've described some communication and other techniques to help you on your way. But that's not to say that your little darlings will always behave perfectly or that you won't encounter setbacks from time to time. Kids will be kids and there will be times when they will test you to the limit, but with patience and persistence you can succeed. The bonus is that once you learn how to really communicate with your children it will set you up for a rich and rewarding relationship with them that will last for life.



Please note: the Little Darlings book is not written by Jo Frost. « Previous page

• The basics
• Communication
• Rules
• Discipline
• Self-esteem
• Other people