Page 3 of 3 Ain't Misbehavin'

Top tips

• If you are going to apply sanctions you must be prepared to follow through.
• Threatening but not carrying out your threats is worse than useless, as it will actually reinforce the bad behaviour.

Time out

One of the recommendations in Supernanny is to use what experts call 'time out' in the form of a 'naughty' step or 'corner' as a way of disciplining children who behave badly. Time out is an extension of ignoring bad behaviour by removing them from the action and depriving them of attention. It's best used on kids aged two to six. With older kids fines or removing privileges are usually more successful and enforceable.

You'll need to pick a spot such as a corner of the hall, your bedroom, the kitchen or a step on the stairs and tell them this is where they will have to stand or sit if they are disobedient. Make sure it's safe and non-scary – in other words not the bathroom or the cupboard under the stairs and never your child's bedroom.

Once you've picked the spot, if you child doesn't do what you ask within five seconds, issue a warning. 'If you don't do X, you will have to go and sit on the naughty step [or whatever].' If the child still doesn't obey, tell them what you are going to do, making a clear link between their deed and your action. For example, 'Because you didn't do X, you have to go and sit on the naughty step.' Lead your child to the naughty spot without lecturing, telling off or arguing and tell the child to sit or stand still.

Ignore yells, protests or promises to do what you asked at this point. Once your child is sitting quietly, return to the naughty spot and tell them they can return to the room. (Some experts recommend setting a timer with one minute for every year of the child's age.) Now restate your original request. If your child does what you have asked, praise them so they learn what is expected. If the child still doesn't do what you have asked, repeat the time out procedure until they do.

Dos and don'ts of using time out

Do

• Be firm, matter of fact and cool.
• State simply what is happening and why, so as to keep attention to a minimum.
• Follow through – even if your child offers to do what you have asked.
• Be prepared for them to resist. It takes time but if you are persistent it WILL work.

Don't

• Get into long drawn-out explanations.
• Give up before you have carried out the whole procedure. This just gives your child the message that they don't have to comply.
• Force them to apologise. The aim is to get them to do what you have asked – not grovel.

Please note: the Little Darlings book is not written by Jo Frost. « Previous page

• The basics
• Communication
• Rules
• Discipline
• Self-esteem
• Other people