Page 1 of 3 The basics

Kids – Who’d ‘ave ’em?

Becoming a parent is a life event more far-reaching in its impact than falling in love, moving in with a partner or getting married. In fact, once you have children – it’s true to say life is never the same again.
BC – before children – many of us are experts in childrearing. Whether it’s a baby who won’t sleep through the night, a toddler having a tantrum in a supermarket, a schoolchild who can’t make friends, or a stroppy teenager who refuses to do his homework, we have the answers. ‘That child’s spoilt’; ‘What he needs is a good telling off’; ‘It’s because her parents are too soft’; ‘What can they expect if they are so strict?’ we say. Once we are on the other side of the great divide, however, we realise that things are not that simple.

Being a parent calls for the patience and wisdom of a saint and the tactical skills and diplomacy of a world leader. It’s hardly surprising if we sometimes get it wrong. Yet parenting can also be the most fascinating, absorbing and uniquely rewarding job in the world. To be a parent is to experience a special kind of unconditional love that most of us are completely unaware of before having kids. But one thing it isn’t, is easy.

This guide is designed to help make things a bit easier by showing you how you can communicate with your children in such a way that you get more of the good bits and fewer of the bad. You’ll find hints and tips on how to help life run smoother whatever type of family you live in, whether your little darling is a babe in arms or about to fly the coop and whether it’s your first or your fifth.

The suggestions you find here won’t solve all your problems but hopefully they will deal with quite a few and get you thinking about the most effective ways to approach the inevitable ups and downs of family life.

Forget perfect

Rule number One. Forget perfect. There’s no such thing. ALL of us make mistakes. And few kids ever turn out exactly as their parents would have wished, which could be just as well. But like every job there are tricks of the trade that can make life easier once you know how and small changes can often make a big difference.

Your child is unique

Right from birth children are unique individuals with their own inborn temperament, likes, dislikes, skills and abilities all of which will affect their behaviour. Other factors like the size and the type of family (two parents living together, single parent, stepfamily or whatever), your child’s place in your family (birth order) and last, but by no means least, your personality and style of parenting, all come into it too. But while there’s nothing you can do to change what’s given – temperament, family size and type, birth order and so on – you can change the way you parent and in so doing alter the way your kids behave. The trick is to focus on what you can change or influence and forget about the rest. If that sounds like a tall order, worry not. There are some key principles which you can learn – mostly based on good communication. What you won’t find here is detailed information about different ages and stages. That’s first, because there are loads of books out there already. And second, because being dominated by ages or developmental milestones can stop you seeing your child as a unique individual.
At all ages showing love, enthusiasm and pride in your child is the most important thing you can do – all ways of building their self-confidence.

Please note: the Little Darlings book is not written by Jo Frost.

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