Why won't my son fall asleep on his own?

We tried putting him to bed each time he gets up, but we were still doing that at 3.30am - he was as fresh as a daisy, we were exhausted! We have also tried a star-reward chart but to no avail - please help.
Clairefrog

What this shows is that old habits die hard. Mummy and daddy need to make a decision, 'we don't want him in our bed anymore. He's six years old!' And you really need to make a stand for this now. So, get tough.

Put him into his own bed, and when he comes into your bed, place him back in his own bed. He's old enough to reason with. And the reason why he's ignored you is that when he does get up and come into your bed, you allow it. You say 'yeah, yeah, yeah'. You blow a lot of hot steam. But you're in bed and you allow it because you're tired. You've got to make a stand for it and just explain to him, 'we don't want you in our bed now. Mummy and daddy sleep in their own bed and we want you to sleep in yours.'

What comes to mind is, 'why doesn't he want to sleep in his own bed? What is it about his own room? Why doesn't he want to sleep in there? Has something changed in there?' Look at the surrounding issues for a six-year-old to know that he should be in his own room. But if he's never done it, then he knows no different now. He knows no different.

So, it is about going back to basics again and that's what you're going to have to do. You're going to have to set up a nice little bedtime routine - you know, do things with him before bed. Get him soundly off to sleep. Good night - you know, 'mummy's in her room and you're in yours.' And then as soon as he comes into bed you say, 'no darling, it's time for you to be in your own bed. We sleep in our room, you sleep in yours.' Put him to bed each time he gets up. For six years you've been doing the same old thing and so has he which shows me the grey areas need to be dealt with, as your six-year-old is mentally of an age to understand reason and rationale.

Look at his room and think can you add a bit more colour to it, decorate his room as he would like to see it? Give him more ownership. If you've done this, then know it will be about breaking these old habits and creating new ones.

I always say to parents that if you've been doing this from the beginning then your child doesn't know any better, so don't expect your child to suddenly get it because for them right now it's "normal". You, as parents, will need to break your habits. Adopt consistency and follow through.

Caution - he may push over those boundaries and see how long it takes before you go back to your old ways. Keep motivated. Support one another and remember this is going to be beneficial for the whole family so you can all get a good night’s sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep…

All the best

Jo