30 year old woman

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I'm 30 and I still get sucked in by music videos and glossy magazines showing me what other people apparently look like. I know it is all lighting, airbrushing, make-up and photoshopping, but something makes me think I should at least try to look like them. If it's difficult for a 30 year old to process those images, imagine what it must be like for 12 year old girls seeing all these impossible bodies. As a teenager I was very overweight, size 28, and then in my early 20s I swung in completely the opposite direction and was anorexic and severely underweight. I then managed to sort myself and get myself to a size I was fairly happy with (size 16) until my doctors told me if I didn't lose weight I would become diabetic and continue to have major health problems. The doctor's news shocked me and I have to admit that it is very tempting to slip back into anorexic habits. As a result of my body history I feel very confused about my body, on the one hand I like my curves and having a bum; on the other hand I feel repulsed and digusted by it and ashamed of it. I wish I didn't feel so confused and could just be happy the way that I am. If it's not glossy magazines and television telling me my body is wrong, it is my doctors – I can't decide which is worse. |
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