Write into the Future

Why Write | Little Box of Thoughts | Wish Box | Letters for the Future | Sarah's Letter

Some parents are put off from doing this, because they think it will be too upsetting. Others worry that messages from the past could simply re-open old wounds and cause future pain for their children.

The reality is that parents do find it very difficult but also very rewarding to write such letters. As the Mummy Diaries shows, remembering happy times and doing something positive for your child can lift your spirits and give you a sense of purpose. Although children may feel sad when they read such messages, they also say it makes them feel very loved that their parent could think ahead and do this for them.

The only real risk of letters like these is that children can feel they've been given a set of instructions which need to be followed out of respect for you. This is similar to the problems sometimes associated with mummy manuals and dads. If you decide to write letters for their graduation, their marriage or the birth of their first child, it's important to emphasise you are happy whatever path they take so they don't feel like they've let you down if they don't choose to go to university, not to marry or have children.

In many ways this is the hardest letter you'll ever write. Ideally, try to personalise it to each child or write it jointly to all your children and make enough copies so they have one each. It would be good to think that the children will never have to read your letter, but if they do, it will be a priceless treasure.

Guidelines for writing the letter

Tell them in a simple and straightforward way how you feel about them. Let them know you love them and you would do anything not to be in this position. Other things that you could include might be some reflections on your life growing up and some of your struggles and successes. Help them to understand the things that have helped you cope in life and to celebrate the things you value, such as hope, perseverance and courage.

You may want to mention:

• The memory box that you've been gathering together.
• People or toys which can be relied on to provide comfort. If you are a mother who is ill, their dad, and if you are a father who is ill, their mum, or other key people who will cherish your children on your behalf.
• The future possibility that your partner may find a new partner.
• Encourage them to keep their dreams, treasure their memories and share their stories with people who can hear them.

Why Write | Little Box of Thoughts | Wish Box | Letters for the Future | Sarah's Letter

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