Making the Series
Amanda Blue | Julie Stokes
Julie Stokes, resident psychologist on the Mummy Diaries and founder of Winston's Wish, describes how the filming process affected both her and the families involved in the two years it took to make the series.
Two years ago I was approached by the production company to work with them in an advisory capacity on a programme they were planning to make which documented families dealing with incurable cancer and death. I was to give my thoughts and guidance as to how families, and children in particular, deal with understanding the issues of serious illness and the subsequent bereavement.
Having worked with hundreds of families who had been through similar issues and difficulties, at first I was quite reluctant to help. I was worried about intruding when families naturally felt so vulnerable, yet at the same time I desperately wanted the public to understand what this journey is like for families. The bottom line, however, had to be that anything that might risk damaging families who chose to take part would not be acceptable.
But as the production company talked more to the families they started to understand the responsibility of finding an authentic way to give them control during the filming process. I was then approached to act as an 'on-screen expert', so I spoke to all five families to make sure they fully understood what the whole process would mean.
I then met the producer, Amanda Blue, who was wonderful, and my conversations with her made me believe that it could really work. My motivation was to help others feel less isolated and bring a story to the attention of the general public that is such an important part of life.
I hoped that the films might provide practical ideas that families would find helpful. I consulted a number of people, especially the Winston's Wish Board of Trustees who gave their endorsement for the project after appreciating the risks. I also asked children I had previously worked with, now young adults, who were also very keen for others to appreciate what they had experienced.
Amanda actually became pregnant a month later. For a film that had motherhood at the core, this was so incredible. It became an amazing process that celebrated life alongside making preparations for separation. It was reflective of the authenticity of the process; very open and collaborative. In some ways, the families felt like they were on a journey with Amanda too, which was great.
For me, the most important element with the filming process was that there was no clear agenda; we were simply acting as companions on this highly unpredictable journey. I guess I would describe the way it developed and the way it was treated as 'organic'. Emma Westcott, the executive producer, put the families' needs first at every stage. Our commitment to the filming and the families meant we went further in terms of timeframes and deadlines.
One interesting angle was that I was working with women at a much earlier stage of their illness than is usual in our work at Winston's Wish. I guess they were also more prepared psychologically as they'd had to think through the whole process of exposing their lives to the public. To date, all the families who've seen the films haven't wanted to change one thing. In fact, when I've watched the edited series with the families, several of the children have said they're actually sad it's over and how happy they are to have been part of a process which could help others in this way.
There's a lovely blend of ordinary family life, alongside my work, contained within the films. Some aspects are undoubtedly overwhelmingly sad, but there's also lots of humour in there too, which is a huge part of Winston's Wish's work. When you're in the middle of a life-threatening situation you need humour; real moments of family magic to pull you through.
What I came to witness in the Mummy Diaries was ordinary families dealing with extraordinary situations, something which makes you think 'That could've been me.' Viewers won't be aware, but there's an on-going commitment from Channel 4 to provide support long after the cameras have left.
Another first for me was to have my individual work with families filmed. We were very lucky to have a regular crew with us throughout, who actually became part of the whole story. I got the feeling that I and most of the families did forget about them being there, which made it that much more natural. To their credit the film crew actually blended in so well that they respected the need for some space for the families, and seemed to instinctively to know when to put the cameras down.
I think the most controversial moment in the series must be when I was asked by Pam and Vince to tell their two children that she wasn't going to get better and was actually going to die. It's the most heart-breaking thing to look into a child's eyes and see any hope vanish. The amazing thing from that was shortly after that discussion Lydia, who was then only 10, was on MSN telling her friends what she now knew and explaining how she wanted them to react normally the next day at school – so mature. Lydia gave her sanction to that private moment. Her children understood it was an essential part of the process and valued being given a warning shot that death was imminent, albeit unbearably hard to face.
I guess being a mum myself helps me understand some of what family life is about; what it's like to have good and bad days with your children. And being a parent really helped me identify with the fathers, especially regarding the mummy manuals. They could so easily become a weight around a dad's neck, telling him what to do rather than leaving him to find his own way.
Overall, I've learnt a great deal from the series. It really did feel like a fantastic privilege to be part of this whole process, giving me the opportunity to try out some new techniques. The best part for me is that the families themselves feel proud of the series. We really did all become part of a team, a team that's still very strong.
These films have ended, but the journeys that the families are on are really only just beginning. Their contribution to the Mummy Diaries will give confidence to many other families facing similar issues and perhaps help us all to see beyond the sadness and hear the real wisdom behind the voices of bereaved children.
Amanda Blue | Julie Stokes
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