Making the Series

Amanda Blue | Julie Stokes

Series producer Amanda Blue talks about the challenges of filming the Mummy Diaries

Ordinarily when you set out to make a series of documentaries, you spend the early months trying to earn the trust of your possible contributors, convincing them that this would be a 'good' thing for them to do. The Mummy Diaries was the complete opposite. As I met each of the potential families for the first time I knew I didn't want to actively persuade them to take part.

For our five mums, living with an incurable diagnosis amidst the hubbub of normal family, life was tough enough. I did not want to be responsible for adding any more pressure to their lives. If they had any doubts that I couldn't appease then I knew it wasn't right for them or me.

Of course, all contributors have the normal worries of 'can you be trusted?', but on this series the stakes were so much higher. The question really was: 'Can I be trusted to tell the story of their lives and potentially their deaths and create a lasting legacy of them that they may never live to see?' It was always going to be a huge leap of faith for them, and a relationship (both on and off screen) I was entering into like no other.

Clearly the responsibility was enormous and to this day I am unable to really express in words what an extraordinary privilege it was. And so it was, that after time spent together both filming and just talking, the mums were all certain they wanted to take part for their own, individual reasons.

The other factor I'd decided from the outset was that these films needed more than anything else to be multi-layered. The sadness of the families' situations spoke volumes, which needed little embellishing, just honest reflecting. The most essential ingredient in all of this was humour; the everyday hilarity of family life and the child's perception of life and consequently death.

Emma Westcott, the executive producer, and I spent a lot of time focusing on finding ways to bring out the everyday minutiae of family life, as this was going to be a way in to what for some viewers may be a very difficult series to watch. But as Julie Stokes, the clinical psychologist on the series, taught us all (families and crew included), stories need to be told, no matter how excruciatingly sad they may be, and this is particularly true of children. She has taught us so much about how we live, by helping us to face the one thing we all try so hard to ignore – death.

Weeks after accepting the offer to direct and produce the series, I found out, to my absolute delight, that I was pregnant with my first child. Other than being concerned that all would be well with the pregnancy, my immediate concern was not how could I do this now, but how would the mums react? Would it cruelly highlight what they were losing and be too close to the bone? Once I'd got to the three month safety point and sheepishly told Emma, she was overjoyed and assured me we'd fit in with the never-ending production schedule. But most importantly, she was adamant that the mums would embrace me even more, and it was the perfect state to be in to make this series. Luckily for us she was right on the mark.

Pregnancy is a great leveler; the mums wanted to look after me and my journey as much as I was looking after theirs. It was the most paradoxical experience of my life, to be filled with all this life and to be focusing on death, but it was a true gift as it brought into sharp focus how precious it all really is. My daughter, Milly-May, was born the weekend of Pam's ball. Pam was insistent that I come as the room was certain to be filled with obstetricians and midwives, but I had to say no and my brilliant assistant producer, Hannah Runham, took over filming for the night.

Finally, the filming itself was a mixture of crew days, and just me and Hannah on DV (digital video). Mostly it was filled with huge amounts of laughter and fun. All the mums and the kids would always say when we left how much they loved it and for once I really knew it was true.

There were many tearful times both for the families and for us too, and we always stopped filming and just chatted when things got too much. Mostly, to my amazement, the parents and kids were always happy to continue even at the saddest times. We filmed very observationally, even on the days with Julie, and just let things unfold. But I knew what I wanted to reflect and would gently draw things out when I knew I needed to get something to show an aspect of the person's personality.

More than any other project this has taught us all so much about living. The families to my amazement, have shown us how able both children and adults are to live with the toughest losses life can throw at you. And Julie has given us all lots of handy hints to get us through those times. I hope people aren't frightened off by the series and embrace in sharing in the sadness and the joy of these extraordinary families' lives.

Amanda Blue | Julie Stokes

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