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Past Experience
Gemma | Mandy | Jonah and Freda
Mandy and her younger sister Gemma were two of 14 children who attended a pilot Winston's Wish group in September 1992 after their mum died of cancer.
The sisters had recently decided to make contact with the Winston's Wish charity again, perhaps simply to touch base all these years after their mother's death from cancer. They arrived with two carrier bags full of photos, workbooks and letters. They remembered with tears and joy a journey in their lives that has left them with a respect for their own capacity to be resilient and a knowledge that they have successfully continued a bond that appears to have a genuine chance of being everlasting. After their visit each wrote a letter.Mandy's Letter
The visit after Mum's death involved a lot of talking about how I felt, where I thought Mum had gone, and my memories of Mum. It helped me to understand more about death and bereavement, and that it was OK to cry. One of the last bits of 'work' was to write a biography of Mum's life and I was encouraged to include lots of photos, which I did. This I still have today as a nice memento of my Mum's life.
I do sincerely believe that being part of Winston's Wish has helped me to come to terms with the death of my Mum. As a child it is a difficult thing to comprehend that you are never going to see this someone special ever again. But when all your questions, worries and fears are explained to you, it makes it a little bit easier. Realising you are not the only person to have lost your mum and that you are not 'weird' was so important (in my opinion!). The encouragement I was given to talk about the person I have lost and to treasure the memories is the most important thing I learnt from all those sessions.
I still have many happy, sad, good and bad memories of my Mum, all of which I treasure. At home I have many photographs of her around the house. I am very proud to wear various bits of jewellery, including her wedding and engagement rings, and I take it as the biggest compliment when people tell me how much I look like her. My Mum may be gone, but she is definitely not forgotten.
Hold on to the positives
Gemma and Mandy maintained a close relationship with Julie Stokes and Winston's Wish. Julie sought their advice on the Mummy Diaries series before she committed. Mandy, now a 28-year-old secretary working in Saudi Arabia, explains that Julie wanted to get some idea of what effect the filming would have on the children and families involved.
'We've always had a great relationship with Julie and Winston's Wish, especially after all the work they did with us after Mum died, and we are always there for her. We discussed the project and decided that although there might be some issues for the children to deal with at school as a result of being on TV, the upside of having the tapes to keep to remind them of their mothers would be a fantastic opportunity that would outweigh any short-term problems.
We also decided that the series would be a fantastic way to highlight the issues that so many thousands of families have to deal with every day and to make more people aware of the charity and the amazing work it does. I guess Julie wanted to speak to us as children who have now grown into adults who have some perspective on what it's like to lose a parent and then move on. I've been on one residential camp and am planning on organising a fund-raising trip to Borneo next year. I'm sure I'll be helping Winston's Wish for a very, very long time.'
My advice to any child who has lost his or her mum or dad would be that you never get over the death, you learn to live with it and hold onto the positives. I still read the biography I wrote on my Mum when I'm feeling a little low and it really gives me a boost to think of her.'
Gemma | Mandy | Jonah and Freda
