The Mummy Diaries from Channel4.com

The Body and Funeral

Seeing the Body | Attending the Funeral | Alternative Goodbyes

Some families believe that children should not see someone's body after they have died or attend the funeral. However, it can help children to begin to accept the reality of the death, and also to be less scared. Children are usually more scared about what they don't know than what they are allowed to be a part of as this enables them to feel more included.

Involvement in rituals following a death will, of course, vary in families depending on their cultural and religious beliefs, but it can help children if they can see for themselves rather than let their imaginations run riot.

Some families will be clear about whether they wish children to see the body or not, but if they are not sure then it sometimes helps if children can make up their own minds. To do this, they need to know a bit about what it will be like.

Some ideas about what to say about seeing the body:

'Sometimes, when someone dies, family and friends go and see the body of the person who has died to say goodbye. Dad's body is in a big box called a coffin. Because he has died, his body is the bit that is left. What is special about him – his spirit and the memories we have of him – these will last for ever. We soon need to say goodbye to his body and then bury or cremate him. That's why we are going to have a funeral. Before the funeral though you might want to go and see him.'

'His body won't be like it used to be. Because he has died he can't talk or walk or sleep. He doesn't need to eat. His body might feel cold and a bit like wax. Would you like to go and see his body?'

If the child says yes, check before they go that they still want to. Tell the child that it is all right to go up close to the body and to touch or kiss the person's body, or to keep their distance and look from the door.

If the child says no, reassure them that it is alright and that sometimes grown-ups don't want to go and see the person after they have died. Check out that the child hasn't changed their mind. You may want to suggest that they can make a card or picture which can be put in the coffin for them. Sometimes a child might choose two identical objects, such as a soft toy. They send one to be put into the coffin and keep one for themselves or to put in their memory box.

Seeing the Body | Attending the Funeral | Alternative Goodbyes

Top

How kids cope when a loved one dies

It helps to talk

Coping with bereavement