Supporting Children
Protection Racket | Talking about Death | Breaking the News | Sharing Feelings | Changes in Behaviour
'Losing a father as a child makes you feel incredibly disadvantaged emotionally. There isn't that person willing you on, there to help you. No-one there to rebel against or draw things from. You become horribly self-reliant, and you grow up quicker in one sense, and never grow up in another.'
Jame Dyson, British inventor and entrepreneur
Family members often try to protect each other. This complicated and normal emotional balancing act means that they might react differently to a death. Similarly, at different times they may be feeling very different things. Individual family members often unconsciously try to balance each other out – when one person is sad, another might try to support them by appearing cheerful. At other times the roles may be reversed. This might be called the 'protection racket'. It is done with the best of intentions, and is normal in families, but it sometimes makes it difficult for family members to be open about their grief because they are scared of upsetting each other.
Childhood is often thought to be a time when children should be free from difficulties and challenging life events. In reality this is seldom possible and major life events such as serious illness and death happen all too frequently in families. Many parents feel they want to protect their children when a death happens. They think that by not talking about it their children will not be affected and will therefore not need to worry. However, it is usually more helpful to talk about what is happening so that children feel included and valued.
Protection Racket | Talking about Death | Breaking the News | Sharing Feelings | Changes in Behaviour