'How can I get my four-year-old to use the toilet?'
|
Q: My daughter is nearly four years old and still refuses to be toilet trained. I've been trying for two years with no hope. She never does anything on the toilet, or the potty, even though she sits on it, clearly knows what it is for, and knows when she needs to go. She has a placement at nursery, but is only allowed there for one hour a day as she won't use the toilet. This makes me feel she is missing out even though she is capable of understanding that when she learns to use the toilet she will be able to stay for hours, like the other children. What can I do? I've considered taking her to our GP but can't think what they could possibly say or do? I feel it would be wasting my GP's time as I have already been to the health visitor for advice numerous times. Help! Melissa, 24. |
our online advisors reply:
Toilet training can be very frustrating for parents. It must be especially difficult that this is affecting your daughter's access to nursery. Please be reassured that although it can seem like they are never going to use the toilet, they usually do eventually.
The mumsnet website has a transcript of a web chat about toilet training difficulties that includes a similar story to yours. The advice is based on directly rewarding the child when they do manage to use the toilet.
It is quite normal for young children to have accidents, but you say that your daughter is well aware of when she needs to go. Do you think she is deliberately choosing not to use the toilet? Young children often look for ways to make their own decisions and have power over their parents. Do you think it's possible that this is what's going on here? On the Raisingkids.co.uk site there is some advice on tackling a toilet training power struggle. It is a case where the children are quite clearly soiling themselves on purpose, but you might find some of the suggestions helpful.
You don't say whether you have been able to talk this through with other mums to see if their experience can help. If you don't know anyone locally, you might find it useful to join a web community. Raisingkids and mumsnet both have active online communities where parents help each other through forums and discussion boards. You have to register, but there is no charge. I'm wondering whether your daughter is still wearing disposable nappies or training pants all the time. If so, this might actually make things more difficult because she will not be experiencing the discomfort of being wet. Many parents find that using ordinary pants printed with a favourite cartoon character can help as the child doesn't want to get them wet. You can read more parents' tips at babycentre.co.uk.
It might be a good idea to talk to your health visitor again. Don't be put off by the fact that you have already asked their advice, just explain that you are still having problems. If you continue to be concerned, a visit to your GP may be appropriate, if only to set your mind at rest that there is no underlying medical reason. You would not be wasting their time – your GP and health visitor are there to help you and your child.
If you feel you would like further information, advice, or just someone to talk to about how you are feeling, you can contact Parentline Plus. The helpline offers 24-hour listening, support and advice on any matters affecting families and stepfamilies on 0808 800 2222.
Channel 4 is not responsible for the content of third party sites.
