don't panic

Family life changes all the time. As parents and their children grow older, relationships evolve. In many families, partners go through difficult times – financial or emotional – sometimes resulting in a break up. New families are made when the children of new partners enter the picture or children are adopted. Relatives who need greater support as their age make new demands on other family members.

Some changes are very positive, but others are difficult to cope with and those involved might need to look outside the family for extra support.

Here are ten tips to help you through the rough patches:

1. Know your rights

If your partner has left without making any provision for you or your children, or your teenager is being threatened with school suspension, it helps to know where you stand before you enter into a dispute.

Check out the Your Rights section of this site for advice on dealing with issues like separation, child support, paternity, cohabitation and child residence.

2. Get informed

Whether it's about how to find reliable childcare or managing redundancy or family debts, there are organisations, books and websites that can supply the facts and figures you need. Decisions are often easier if you have the information at hand.

Each of our articles in Family has a section called 'help and info' at the end. This contains details of organisations, websites and books that are relevant to the subject you've just been reading about, and are good places to start if you want further information.

3. Get advice

You might not know how to deal with a new stepchild or find your way through the adoption system, but someone else will. Don't be afraid to ask for advice and make time to contact organisations that offer support. Talking through a problem with someone who is familiar with the issues can also help.

Many of the organisations we list in 'help and info' have helplines that you can call – so whether you need a listening ear to talk through your problems or you'd just like to be sent more information, they're worth checking out.

4. Keep talking

If your kids have tantrums or your partner isn't pulling their weight in the family, don't let anger or resentment get in the way of communication.

5. Keep listening

Listen to the opinions of others and make them feel valued. Create an atmosphere where everyone is encouraged to express their views. These may be about decisions on pocket money, staying out late, moving home or the best way to care for an elderly relative.

6. Agree a strategy

Try to reach a consensus about how to deal with a problem. For instance, if teenagers want more independence, parents should give them the chance to argue their case rather than dismiss it out of hand.

7. Plan ahead

Draw up a plan of action to help you cope with change. If redundancy or relationship breakdown throws family finances into disarray, don't sit and fret. There are lots of organisations that can offer advice and support.

8. Time out

If you're locked into a cycle of constant arguments, take a break to regain some perspective. Ask a friend or relative to take the children off your hands for the day so you can go shopping. Arrange with your partner to take time out together so you can have some child-free hours to talk. Similarly, feuding parents and their teenage children could spend a day doing something they both enjoy and, at the same time, rediscover each other.

9. A problem shared

Talk to others who have faced similar difficulties. For example, families who are having difficulties with small children or caring for elderly relatives have found meetings with others in the same position invaluable. Many organisations – such as those dealing with disability, adoption and lone parents – run support groups.

Or have a look at our Family Forum – it's a space to compare notes, share experiences, help other parents and children out, and get help with your own family stuff.

10. Look after yourself

If family problems are taking their toll on your health and well-being, give yourself a break. Remember: if you fall apart, you won't be able to support anyone else. Bend a friend's ear and let off steam. And be sure to eat a healthy diet and try to get enough sleep.

Check out our Health site for features on a wide range of topics, from diet and stress relief, to relationships and mental health issues.