'I've had a baby and I can't stop crying. Should I see a doctor?'
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Q: I have a four-week-old baby and have not been able to stop crying for the past week. I had a bad labour, and an awful pregnancy, and feel resentment towards my baby for the way I now look and feel. I have terrible stretch marks and couldn't breastfeed her as I was too sore. I feel like a failure. I don't know what to do. Should I go and see a doctor? |
our online advisors reply:
Hi Karen. I am glad you felt able to contact us. It sounds like you are feeling very alone at the moment. You have had a very difficult few months, and the experience of having a new baby has not been what you expected or hoped for.
Giving birth is a life-changing event and it is not unusual for mothers – and father's too – to go through extreme physical and psychological stress. You suddenly have an enormous responsibility – a baby to care for. On top of that is the pressure to be happy all the time about having a new arrival in the family. It sounds like you are feeling quite afraid and inadequate. These feelings can be quite normal for a new mother. You certainly are not a failure.
Visiting your doctor is definitely an option for you. You may find that just talking to someone face-to-face – in confidence – will help. Your GP may also be able to refer you for counselling, which would give you an opportunity to talk through your feelings in more depth. A counsellor can also help you find ways of coping with difficult emotions and begin to move forward.
I'm wondering whether you have talked to your health visitor about what has been going on for you. They are there to help and they want to make sure you are okay, as well as your baby.
This is a time when you need a lot of help from family or friends. Do you feel able to ask them for support? It is often very difficult to admit to those who are closest to you that you need help. However, if there is someone you can trust you might be surprised at how much better you feel after talking to them. Friends can often help with practical things too.
The babyworld website is worth checking out. It discusses how you may feel after giving birth. You can also join discussion groups and gain some online support from other new mothers.
For further support and information you could have a look at the website of the Association for Post Natal Illness (APNI). The APNI also has a helpline on 020 7386 0868, but this is a London number so it might be an expensive call if you live in another part of the country.
I know right now it feels like everything is going wrong. It may feel that you will never be able to cope, but try to take one day at a time. Seek some support and do take care of yourself.
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