adoption

by Kendra Inman

adoption | help and info | real life stories

real life stories 1: Jane and David

Jane and David's attempt to adopt almost ended abruptly when they came into contact with an obstructive council. 'Political correctness gone mad' is how Jane describes the council's attitude:

'They wanted more black parents and they made it quite clear that they weren't interested in us because we weren't black. The social workers were very rude about it.'

The couple was also berated for not having a clear idea about what gender and age group they were interested in, she says. But the final straw came on the induction day that prospective adopters have to attend – 'It was a disorganised shambles.'

She and David were about to give up when a chance meeting coaxed them back. At a health fair, Jane, a health worker, met a member of staff from an approved independent adoption agency, who persuaded her to give it another go. Still wary and bruised from her encounter with her local authority's adoption team, Jane attended another information day. But the staff at the agency were encouraging and supportive. The couple went through the application process and, a year later, were approved to adopt two children between the ages of three and seven.

After the approval, Jane and David went on holiday. They returned to the news that there were two children – aged five and seven – in need of a family.

'One month later, they landed on our doorstep. I was completely shell-shocked,' says Jane.

The truth of what they'd done really hit home when they collected the children from their foster carers, with whom they had lived for two years. Both children were traumatised about leaving and cried desperately, says Jane. 'In the car, they were prostrate with grief.'

The first 18 months were the most difficult, she says. But slowly the family got to know each other, and despite the early tantrums – and there were many, some lasting hours – life gradually calmed down. Before going into care, both children had been severely neglected, and their new parents have had to cope with the consequences of this. Jane attended some therapy sessions with the children as part of the post-adoption support. Her son refused to talk about his birth family until he was asked to fill in pictures representing his three homes.

'His parents' house was full of black, white and red, the foster home had more colour but ours had the most colour of all. That showed me how he'd been feeling and that he now felt positive about being with us.'

Her son's behaviour went through a rough patch while the adoption was being made final – something Jane attributes to him feeling insecure. There were other hurdles to overcome when the children's birth parents unsuccessfully contested the adoption. The birth family is allowed to write and ask about their progress, but their whereabouts must remain secret in case an attempt is made to snatch them back.

The children are now adored, thriving and doing well at school. Jane says that the support of family and friends got them through the hard times, and she believes that the worst is now behind them.

real life stories 2: Judith and Simon

When Judith and her husband Simon contacted their local authority in 2002 to express an interest in adoption, they had no idea that they had taken the first step on a journey that would end outside an orphanage in central Russia.

The child they had come to collect was Natasha who, like many Russian infants from poor backgrounds, had been abandoned in the maternity hospital where she was born. Her early years had been spent in an orphanage – in one room with 70 other children aged three and under.

The Roberts were familiar with adoption – there had been several in their families – but at the outset, they did not have a clear idea of what type of child they wanted or where he or she should come from. However, after filling in the forms and attending an induction course for prospective adopters, they faced their first decision – whether or not to go for a child from overseas.

This is because the 'home study', the process by which local authorities or approved adoption agencies assess applicants' suitability to adopt, has a different emphasis if couples hope to adopt from abroad. Judith and Simon plumped for the overseas option.

'The local authority respected our wishes. But I think they always hoped we would come back and adopt from them,' says Judith. 'Once we'd committed to international adoption, we had to pay for the assessment process.'

Next, they had to decide where to look. 'We were a bit surprised that we had to make up our minds about which country we were interested in so early on,' says Judith. After choosing Russia, they soon discovered that the UK had no direct agreement with that country, so they would need to use a British-approved agency based in the United States. The Roberts met the agency's director in London last June.

The bureaucracy involved in overseas adoption is something to behold, says Judith. 'I accept some of it is very important and supposedly in the child's best interest, although that's sometimes hard to believe. But there is delay at every stage and it is potentially off-putting. It can get in the way of a child being placed,' she explains.

Internal Russian politics led to further delays, frustrations and expense. Overseas adopters need to pay for translators, couriers and other fees as well as meet the cost of their own trips back and forth to the country they're trying to adopt from. After three visits to Russia, Judith and her husband returned to the UK with their daughter Natasha, who has just had her second birthday. Although she has already been adopted under Russian law, her adoption under UK law will only take place next year, after a further local authority report. 'She is with us and thriving,' says Judith. 'Now, at last, we're daring to think about the future rather than the recent past.'

(November 2001, updated October 2005)

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