how to trace family and old friends

by Kendra Inman

how to trace family and old friends | help and info

There are several options available for people striving to make contact with a missing friend or relative. Which organisations you turn to for help depends upon whether the person you want to contact is a family member, an old friend or someone who might be described as 'vulnerable'. There are also specialist support services for parents whose children have been 'snatched' as part of a custody dispute.

The two best-known specialist tracing services are run by the Salvation Army and the National Missing Persons Helpline.

getting back in touch

© iStockphoto / Shelly Perry

The Salvation Army Family Tracing Service is the first port of call for many people seeking a blood relative. Its mission is to restore family relationships by locating relatives who have lost touch. The break in contact may have been intentional and part of divorce or separation or can be put down to events such as moving away.

Each year over 4,000 new searches are started. The largest number of requests is for help in tracing a divorced spouse on behalf of young children who want to make contact with their estranged parent.

The average length of time that a relative has been out of touch is 16 years although in one case sisters were parted for 83 years before reuniting.

The service does not normally get involved in circumstances where adoption has taken place or with tracing friends, young people under 17, or mothers or fathers where there was no marriage between parents.

The service has years of experience in tracing family members – it began in 1885 – and the team of researchers carrying out the work manages to track down the person in about 85% of cases. The address of the found relatives is never revealed without their permission. When people are nervous of making direct contact (or of revealing their whereabouts to the 'seeker') the service will act as a postbox until the family members are happy to forward their address.

getting started

Families should contact the service by letter, phone or fax to find out whether their request fits the organisation's criteria. The fee for the service is currently £40 (or £20 for those receiving state benefits). See help and info for contact details.

missing

While drifting apart from friends has its own sadness, the distress caused by the sudden disappearance of a family member is profound. An estimated 210,000 people are reported missing in the UK each year. Most return home within 72 hours but thousands do not.

The National Missing Persons Helpline (NMPH) was set up to trace and help missing people and support those who are left behind, waiting for news. They prioritise tracing vulnerable missing persons including children and young people, elderly citizens, people who have disabilities, are distressed or are ill. They also run a Message Home helpline for missing people to reassure family members. The team can pass on messages to family members without letting them know the caller's whereabouts and help get the caller to a place of safety. See help and info for more details.

The service uses a network of contacts to trace people and wherever possible passes on letters or messages to the missing person. In some cases, where the missing person is vulnerable, the charity also uses publicity such as ads in Big Issue or on TV or milk cartons.

They work with the police forces (who also refer people to the NMPH) where appropriate but are independent and not obliged to inform the police of the whereabouts of an adult missing person even if they are registered missing with the police. Under 18s who have disappeared are usually registered missing with the police before the NMPH is involved. If children contact the NMPH, the organisation will ensure they are safe and encourage them to use the Message Home service in the first instance.

after adoption

adoptees

If you are adopted and decide to trace your birth parents, you need to remember that this can be a frustrating and emotional time for you and your family. You may well need some extra support, such as counselling, to help you deal with it. Talk to your adoptive parents and family members beforehand to make them aware of the situation – they might be able to give you information that could help you and may know of reasons why you shouldn't get in contact with your birth parents.

People adopted in England, Wales and Northern Ireland have the right to get a copy of their original birth certificate from when they reach the age of 18. People adopted in Scotland have the same right when they reach 16. If your adoption records still exist, and the agency agrees, you may also be allowed to go through your file.

See help and info for organisations that can help you make the first steps.

birth relatives

If you are a birth parent or relative who wants to make contact with a birth son or daughter, the British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) recommends the following steps:

• Register with the appropriate Adoption Contact Register
• Get in touch with the adoption agency that arranged the adoption, who may be able to help
• Contact NORCAP, who have searching facilities and can offer counselling and other services
• Contact a post-adoption centre for help, advice and support.

See help and info for these and other organisations that can help. And check out our adoption feature for a full list of relevant organisations, websites and reading.

private lives

Many a film noir has opened with a mysterious woman appearing in the office of a hard-bitten gumshoe. In real life the work of a private eye is a lot less glamorous but undoubtedly useful.

Lawyers have long employed private detectives to trace people mentioned in a will or needed to resolve a legal dispute. A private investigator can also be employed to track down a long lost friend or relative – for a fee. The Association of British Investigators says it vets all members, who also abide by a code of ethics. See help and info.

tug of love

When relationships break down some parents take extreme measures to stay in contact with their children, including abduction – the removal of the child or children without the consent of the other parent or in contravention of a court order. In most cases this is a criminal offence and expert help from a solicitor should be sought.

The charity Reunite offers help and support to parents involved in parental child abduction and international custody disputes.

The organisation runs a helpline and publishes a child abduction prevention pack for England and Wales and a separate pack for Scotland and Northern Ireland. This gives legal procedures and practical steps children can take if they fear their children will be abducted. If the worst has happened and your child has been abducted contact the Reunite advice line immediately. Our feature on abduction gives more information about parental child abduction.

reunited

On a lighter note the web is a useful aid to getting back in contact with old school and college friends, perhaps to arrange a reunion. On the Friends Reunited website surfers can post their name and details on a page dedicated to their leaving year at school or college or browse the site for news of others. There is no charge for using the site but if you want to email people whose details are posted, Friends Reunited charges a yearly registration fee (currently £7.50).

 

(December 2001, updated October 2005)

Read on for details of relevant organisations, websites and reading.