families today

by Kendra Inman

families today | help and info

Families are the building blocks of our society, and in Britain, there are more than 16 million of them. And if there's one thing that most of us have an opinion about, it's family life. Everyone, from plumbers to politicians, has a view on how we should rear our children, discipline our teenagers, care for our elderly and organise our work/life balance.

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In less than a century, the family has changed radically. Twenty-five years ago, 25% of mothers with pre-school children were in work; by 1996/7, that percentage had doubled to 50% (although only a third of these mothers worked full-time). And while studies show that most people keep in touch with close relatives and that the family remains the major source of informal care and support, the presence of an extended family can no longer be taken for granted.

no rush to the altar

Most of us will choose to marry at some point during our lives. However, the number of those who do has been on the decline for over 50 years. In England and Wales in 1950, before rock 'n' roll had gripped the nation's youth, there were 358,490 marriages. By 1991, this number had fallen to 306,800 and it continues to reduce – in 1999, there were only 263,500 marriages.

We are also older when we take the plunge. In England and Wales, the average age at first marriage is now 28 years for women and 30 years for men, compared to 24 years for women and 26 years for men in 1986.

Despite the increasing divorce rate (see breaking up below), we have emerged as a nation of optimists – a large proportion of marriages are remarriages. In 1971, one in five of all marriages were remarriages; by 1997, the proportion had climbed to just over two in five. However, stepfamilies, although growing in number, still only account for 8% of all families with dependent children.

what's the alternative?

Social mores have also changed. 'Living in sin' is no longer the transgression it once was. The decline in marriage has been accompanied by a growth in co-habitation, both before and instead of marriage.

Most of us now prefer a trial run. In the 1950s, the percentage of women co-habiting before their first marriage was very small – less than 2%. By the mid-1990s, about 75% of women embarking on their first marriages reported that they had lived with their future husbands before marching down the aisle.

But experts have yet to discover whether co-habitation is replacing marriage. Statistics show that co-habiting relationships last, on average, two to three years before the partners split or opt for a wedding. Overall, less than 10% of people in Britain are co-habiting.

the shrinking family

Our families are getting smaller as women choose to have fewer children and others choose to have none at all. Result: the birth rate has taken a dive. Only 10% of women born in 1943 were childless at the age of 45. By contrast, experts predict that 25% of women born in 1973 will be childless at the same age.

Women are also older when they first give birth – the average age is 29 compared to 26 in the early 1970s.

breaking up

No longer is marriage for life. It is predicted that just over 40% of marriages will end in divorce.

And co-habitation doesn't seem to be the answer. Unmarried couples are at greater risk of break-up than married ones. The most recent figures show that they are three to four times more likely to split up than their married counterparts.

parents going it alone

The number of families headed by lone parents has more than trebled in the past 25 years, according to statistical estimates. They now account for 20% of all families with children.

Many argue that politicians and commentators have unfairly blamed lone mothers for everything from youth crime to welfare spending. J K Rowling, famous single parent and author of the Harry Potter children's books, has spoken angrily about the treatment of lone parents and has taken on the role of ambassador for the National Council for One Parent Families.

She says that it is time to 'explode the popular myth that most lone parents are feckless teenagers trying to get a council flat. Only 3% of us are teenagers; 60% of us have been married and are now separated, divorced or bereaved. I'd like to see widespread acceptance of the fact that families simply come in many shapes and sizes.'

single minded

Most news commentators talk about couples and families. However, more than 6.5 million people in Britain live on their own – three times as many as 40 years ago. Experts attribute the dramatic rise to:

• our greater longevity
• relationship breakdown
• young people living independently outside the family home before cohabiting or marriage.

teenage kicks

According to the latest figures, there are 5,199,600 teenagers in the UK. Many parents will be relieved to hear that the vast majority of them will go through the difficult years without falling into a life of crime or becoming hooked on drugs and alcohol. In fact, even the stereotypical teenagers as portrayed by comedian Harry Enfield's Kevin and his sidekick Perry are wide of the mark, according to two studies published in spring 2001.

Screaming matches and all-out warfare are not necessarily the norm say the groups of ordinary teenagers and their parents interviewed by researchers of the Joseph Rowntree Foundation for the report Pulling Together, Pulling Apart. Most of them have a positive view of family life and see it as a source of support, love, help and care.

These parents and teenagers reported that relationships between them had improved as the young people moved through their teenage years, eventually coming closer to a companionship between equals. The other study, Family Understandings, carried out by the Family Policy Studies Centre, found that most parents welcomed the open relationship they had with their children and were happy to influence them through discussion and negotiation.

However, as any parent knows, the teenage years can also be a time of great tension as young people make a bid for independence. 'When you ask parents what they worry about, they say it's teenage risk-taking behavior such as drugs, alcohol and hanging around on the streets,' says Mary MacLeod, chief executive of the National Family and Parenting Institute.

In a survey of young people in secondary schools in England entitled Drugs, Smoking and Drinking among Teenagers in 1999, government statisticians found that more than 10% of children aged 11-15 had used drugs in the last year.

'They're all dressed up with nowhere to go, and if they're left like that, it's no surprise that some fall prey to anti-social influences,' says Ms MacLeod. She believes investment in youth services is essential to provide young people with outlets for their energies.

Families today struggle to steer a course between exerting enough control to keep their offspring out of trouble and allowing them enough freedom to develop as individuals.

'Parents can only do their best, hope for the best and keep an eye on their children's friendships,' Ms MacLeod concludes.

grey power

The powerful combination of a fall in the birth rate and increasing longevity of older people means that the population as a whole is ageing. In the UK today, there are now 12 million people over the age of 60, accounting for just over a fifth of the population. It is estimated that, in 2030, there will be 19 million – about a third of the population – outnumbering all adults under the age of 40.

Developments in health and social care are being shaped by the needs of this growing section of the population. The question of how to support older people is taxing the minds of politicians and policy-makers, who are constantly debating how society should pay for long-term care and who should deliver it.

But while there are significant problems associated with an ageing population, campaigners want us to recognise the benefits that older people – whether they are grandparents or work colleagues – bring to society. For instance, after mothers and fathers, grandparents are the single most important source of pre-school childcare.

Helena Herklots of Age Concern says there have been some improvements in the lives of older people, such as the introduction of the minimum income guarantee and moves on age discrimination. But more, she says, needs to be done. Government needs to ensure that the infrastructure is in place to allow older people to be active citizens. This means better transport, pensions and healthcare.

new challenges

When it comes to family life, successive governments have struggled with how much to interfere in what is essentially a private institution.

That said, family breakdown costs the public purse an estimated £5 billion a year in benefits and other state support – a bill that ministers are keen to reduce. Problems such as teenage pregnancy and youth crime have generated widespread concern, and in turn, a rash of government initiatives have set up to support parenting. These include the National Childcare Initiative and the Working Families Tax Credit, aimed at low-income families.

Cerdiwen Roberts of the Family Policy Studies Centre, the recently closed think-tank that studied family change, says that a range of factors is shaping government policy. First, the number of young people is shrinking so society needs to ensure that as many as possible grow up to become useful, working members of society. Second, says Ms Roberts, people are having smaller families than they once did and are focusing their energies on doing their best for only a couple of children. She adds that parents' anxiety about their children is heightened by the fact that this is the first generation where youth culture has as powerful a voice as they do.

According to Mary MacLeod of the National Family and Parenting Institute, 'In the past, there was greater consensus about what to do when raising a child. That picture is more confused now – correctly so – but it makes it hard for a government to intervene.'

Families today are still of paramount importance, says Cerdiwen Roberts. 'The difference is that now it's more of an uphill struggle to raise them.'

(July 2001, resources updated June 2005)

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