USING CONDOMS

by Janet Snell

Condoms are the only contraceptive currently available for blokes. They're cheap, they're easy to use (once you get the hang of it) and they're pretty effective. And they don't just offer protection against unwanted pregnancies – they help prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) too.

At first they can be a bit embarrassing to buy and awkward to put on but that's only when you're not used to them. Using condoms is just a question of practice and getting hold of them is easy these days. Your local family planning clinic will hand over a free supply or, if you prefer to buy them, they're on sale in supermarkets and petrol stations. And for anyone who wants something a bit more anonymous there's always the vending machines in public loos or pub toilets.

A common myth about condoms is that they spoil sex for the bloke. Not true. Today's condoms are much more sensitive than they used to be – if anything they improve sex by making it last longer.

When we asked teenagers their views on the subject, most said they'd heard plenty about contraception at school. But they wanted to learn more about the relationship side of sex.

we've been there

We asked teenagers their views. Here are some of the things they said about relationships and using contraceptives.

practice makes perfect

'It's difficult to talk about condoms with a girlfriend but I suppose if you can't talk about it you just shouldn't be having sex. I've only slept with one girl so far and we talked about condoms a couple of weeks before we did anything. I think that made it easier than if it'd been the heat of the moment. She was the one who brought the subject up. I thought that was good – and it saved me from having to think of a way into it! We were talking at her house but her mum and dad were in and I was paranoid they might be listening so we went over the park in the end. She said she would only have sex with me if I used a condom. I just said OK. I got my brother to get me some from a pub toilet. I used two of them to practise with. When we eventually did it I was really nervous. It was a bit funny the first time as they are quite fiddly but it's easy once you know how.' Steve (16)

my girlfriend got pregnant

'I met a girl last November and she was having lots of rows at home with her mum and stepdad. In the end she walked out and my mum said she could stay at our place till it was sorted. We were in love and we started sleeping together. She was 16 and she said we didn't need to use condoms 'cos she had these contraceptive injections every three months so I thought it was all OK. Anyway in February she said she needed to talk to me and she told me she was eight weeks' pregnant. I just felt sick. I didn't know what to do so I went and told my mum. She talked to both of us and said we should find out about an abortion but my girlfriend got really angry, said she'd never have an abortion, stormed out and went back home.

'I felt it was all over for me – I thought I was going to have to leave school and get a job. But then her mum rang my mum and said they'd been for a scan which showed she was more than 12 weeks pregnant so the baby couldn't have been mine. I tried ringing her to talk about it but she didn't want to speak to me so that was the end of that. I feel like it's been a lesson for me. I'll use condoms in future but it's made me realise how scary things can get if something goes wrong.' Lee (15)

everyone else does it

'My mates at school all say they've slept with a girl but I haven't. Sometimes it feels like everyone's doing it and I'm the only one who's not. I want to but it never quite seems to happen. I would definitely use a condom because I've heard about STIs and I know people who have caught something. You get told a lot about how to put on a condom and all that but it's the emotional side that fries my head. When we had a talk about sex at school it was all about biology – how you do it and how people get pregnant. There was nothing about relationships. You come away feeling there has to be more to it than that.' Nick (16)

don't speak

'I think it's harder for blokes than it is for girls. Women can talk to their mum or aunty or their friends. A bloke can't do that – it's too embarrassing. If you said to your mates you weren't sure how to use a condom you'd feel really ridiculous. Everyone wants to look like they're clued up – even if they're not. If I was going to sleep with a girl I'd definitely use a condom. But if she got pregnant I wouldn't dump her. Some blokes would and I think that's really bad.' Matthew (16)

just for a laugh

'I had this really embarrassing talk from my dad last year. He found a packet of condoms in my room and he started going on about how it was good that I was being responsible but that I shouldn't leave them lying about in case my mum or sister saw them. I kept trying to get a word in but he just went on and on. The thing was I didn't even have a girlfriend. Me and my mates had bought some condoms to take to football. We blow them up like balloons for a laugh. But I don't think my dad believed me. I haven't had sex yet but at least when I do I'll feel all right about buying condoms.' Stephen (16)

parents sometimes interfere

'Mum and dad went ballistic when they found out about us. They had this big session with the both of us there. They said things like, 'Are you sleeping together?' and 'Tell us and we'll see that you get some condoms.' It was a nightmare and I thought, 'This is just so none of your business.' You really don't want to talk about that sort of stuff with parents.' Femi (17)

do I have to?

'I think boys and girls do have a different perspective. So many girls I know have jumped into bed with someone and then regretted it. But boys don't seem to worry about it – they treat it in a lighthearted way. I reckon sex means more to a girl – it's easier for a boy to just shrug it off. They seem to be able to just do it and then move on to the next person. And when it comes to condoms, they'll use one if you ask but you get the idea they don't really like them. They make sarky comments like, 'Do I have to use one of them – it feels like having a shower with a mac on.' Cath (16)

'When we were told about contraception we had single-sex sessions in year eight. We put condoms on glass shafts to practise how it's done. Then when we were 14 we had a mixed session which was definitely more embarrassing. The teacher showed us all the different kinds of birth control and asked if there were any questions but no one put their hand up. It was a waste of time really because we weren't told anything new.'

'I think it's up to the boy to get some condoms – you'd feel a bit weird walking round with some in your bag, though I suppose it would depend on how long you'd been seeing each other. With buying condoms I think boys are more shy when it comes to the face to face stuff so they'd be more likely to go to a machine than a family planning clinic. But I think girls feel a bit awkward using a condom machine – if someone walked in you'd feel like you'd been caught doing something wrong.' Zoe (15)

different for girls

'We've done sex education and contraception about three times now – it's starting to get a bit boring. I suppose it has helped clarify things – what I knew before was a bit sketchy. They said about contraception being both partners' responsibility but there are more consequences for a girl so I suppose we must be more concerned about it. I'd rather just go on the pill and then you don't have to rely on the bloke using condoms. There are two people in my class who are really in love and they're having sex. A couple of others have had one night stands but most people are too sussed to want to have sex too early.' Clare (15)