GETTING IT ON| Q&A

1. Can I get pregnant from having a shower with my boyfriend? Rachel, 15
2. My boyfriend says I can work out when I'm not going to get pregnant from when my period is due. How do I do this? Sian, 14
3. What are the chances that a condom will split? Ben, 14
4. Is there anything else I can do to help prevent std's and the pregnancy risk? Joanne, 15
5. When two people have sex, do you both have to wear a condom? Andrea, 14

A: Hi. Thanks for your question. It's great that you wrote in to clarify about how to protect yourselves against unplanned pregnancy in the shower beforehand. It shows a level of maturity that you should be proud of.

There is a possibility of you becoming pregnant if any semen were to get near the entrance of or inside your vagina. As you say, this can be harder to control because of the water flow in the shower. You mention using condoms; it's important to know that you can't rely on condoms for contraception when you are having sex in the bath or shower for a number of reasons:

* the spermicide is likely to wash away in water
* water can seep between the condom and the penis, possibly causing the condom to slip off
* the latex that the condom is made from may deteriorate due to soap, shampoo, conditioner and any oil-based products.

However, because you don't mention that you will be having penetrative sex, I would suggest that as long as you are careful, using a condom is better than not using one at all. You might want to visit your local young people's sexual health service to talk about current or future contraception that would work for both you and your boyfriend. Have a look at some of the organisations and websites listed in Finding Out More under Sexual Health Contraception and Pregnancy for more information.

A: Thanks for your question Sian. It sounds like you're under some pressure to have sex at the moment. Your boyfriend is not telling you the whole truth when he says you can work out by your periods how not to get pregnant. Sperm, which is produced when a man ejaculates, can stay alive inside you for several days, which is why you cannot reliably use this method to prevent pregnancy, whatever he tells you. It also would not protect you from sexually transmitted infections, such as chlamydia, genital warts and HIV – only a condom can offer you that protection. You are right to be worried about getting pregnant, and there is always a risk of getting pregnant if you have unprotected sex.

The fact that your boyfriend is older than you doesn't mean you should feel pressured to have sex with him. In fact, he should know better because what he is suggesting is against the law and he could be prosecuted.

You are not being childish – you are actually being very sensible. If he is not telling the truth about contraception and is putting pressure on you, is he the best person to have first-time sex with? Sex for the first time can be nerve-wracking and it will be a much more pleasurable experience for you if it's done when you're sure that you're ready. If he really cares about you, he will wait.

A: Hi Ben. It's great that you are being responsible enough to think about using a condom. Condoms not only reduce the risk of unplanned pregnancy, but also reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections.

When used properly, condoms are about 98% effective. It's important that they are put on correctly though, so you should remember the following points:

1. Always put the condom on before intercourse starts. You should be wearing a condom before your penis goes near your girlfriend's vagina.
2. Take care to handle the condom gently and avoid snagging it with rings, etc.
3. Don't use an oil-based lubricant, such as Vaseline, as this can make holes in latex condoms.

For more information about getting hold of condoms and using them properly, have a look at Sex Bites – Safe Sex. You might find that it helps to have a few practice runs putting the condom on before you begin your sexual relationship, and read the instructions that come in the packet. If the condom does spilt and you are worried that your girlfriend could be pregnant, she will need to think about using 'emergency contraception'. The sooner this is taken the better. You can get free emergency contraception from your doctor or your local young person's or family planning clinic. There are websites and organisations where you can go for more advice on this – see Finding Out More – Sexual Health, Contraception and Pregnancy.

A: Hi and thanks for your question Joanne.

It sounds as though you are thinking about all the right things as you approach a time when you are old enough and feel ready to have sex.

Being on the pill will safeguard you against pregnancy, but condoms are the only form of contraception that can also help protect you from sexually transmitted infections so it's important to use them every time you have sex. For more information, have a look at our feature on Using Condoms. It is not just up to the male to provide the condoms – you can buy them too, or visit a local family planning clinic and get them for free.

Everyone's experience of first sex is different, but having sex for the first time can sometimes be painful. This pain is often due to the stretching or breaking of the thin layer of skin across a girl's vagina (the hymen) during her first experience of sexual intercourse.

After the first time, sex need not be painful. The way to minimise the pain is to try and relax. Most women need sufficient sexual stimulation before intercourse for the vagina to produce the natural lubrication that paves the way for sex. Talk to your partner about how you are feeling, and have a look at Sex Bites: First Time for some more tips.

Q: When two people have sex, do you both have to wear a condom, or does just one of you have to? Andrea, 14

A: Hi Andrea. Using a condom is the only way of reducing risk of sexually transmitted infection as it acts as a barrier between body fluids.

There are female and male condoms and usually you would use one or the other. The male condom is a plastic sheath which goes on an erect penis. The female condom is like a pouch which fits inside the vagina.

It's really important that they are put on properly and used safely. For more information you could visit http://www.avert.org/yngindx.htm. This is a website especially for young people about sex, contraception and relationships. They have information about male and female condoms.

Some people will come up with excuses not to use a condom, but it is really important that you take care of yourself and always practice safe sex. It could take just one sexual encounter to become pregnant or to catch a sexually transmitted infection such as chlamydia, genital warts or gonorrhoea and it's up to each individual to take responsibility for themselves.