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Friends and family
Heroin users aren't the only people affected by the drug. Their friends and family have to live with the problem too.
If you can understand why they are taking drugs, you may be able to suggest other ways in which they can feel good.>Taking the blame
If someone close to you develops a problem with heroin, it's easy to blame yourself. Parents may think they have been too strict or not strict enough, or that they haven't been sufficiently supportive. Siblings may feel bad that their brother or sister has kept a secret from them. Partners or friends may think they're not exciting enough. But you can't be responsible for someone else's behaviour.
It can be very difficult when you find out someone close to you is doing heroin. As well as being concerned about their safety, you might feel anxious, lonely, depressed, angry or even ashamed. There are a lot of stereotypes surrounding heroin addiction, and many people associate it with other issues like crime, homelessness and HIV infection. However, if you're really worried about someone's heroin use, first of all get some solid information and advice.
The main organisations offering support for the families and friends of heroin users are listed in the Find out more section.
How do you know it's heroin?
Heroin users can be secretive, even with their friends. These might be tell-tale signs:
- sudden and regular changes in mood
- secretive behaviour
- changes in sleep patterns
- steady weight loss
- evidence of drug use, such as scorched pieces of tin foil, burnt spoons, needles and so on
- lack of money, but with no evidence of things being bought
- missing work or school
- spending time with people who use heroin
However, remember that some of these 'signs' may be related to other problems – or to no problem at all. It's important not to jump to conclusions.
Talking it over
If you're sure someone you're close to is taking drugs, it's important to talk calmly and discuss all the facts. You'll need to let the person know it's OK to talk to you openly. Try and find out why they're into heroin – what do they like about it? How does it actually make them feel?
If you can understand why they are taking drugs, you may be able to suggest other ways in which they can feel good.
If someone close to you develops a problem with heroin, it's easy to blame yourself. Parents may think they have been too strict or not strict enough, or that they haven't been sufficiently supportive. Siblings may feel bad that their brother or sister has kept a secret from them. Partners or friends may think they're not exciting enough. But you can't be responsible for someone else's behaviour.
Who wants what?
Your first priority might be to get your friend or family member off heroin. But no matter how much you want someone to give up drugs or alcohol, they themselves must want to change before anyone can help them. No amount of persuasion, nagging or threats will make any difference – self-motivation is essential.
Support is about helping someone to sort themselves out, not doing it for them. You can give emotional support by allowing the person to confide in you, or talk to you when they're unhappy. But beware of getting sucked into supporting someone else's drug-using behaviour. If you offer too much practical assistance, like food or money, you may be enabling someone to keep on using. For example, sometimes a family member will end up paying for a relative's drugs themselves, to keep the user away from crimes such as burglary and prostitution.
Looking after yourself
What about support for you? Many people find it useful to talk to others who have had similar experiences. Adfam and Families Anonymous run self-help groups for anyone affected by another person's drug problem. It can be a relief to talk to someone who's had similar experiences, so that you feel you're not alone.
Help and info
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Organisations
Addaction
Tel: 020 7251 5860 (Mon–Fri 9am–5pm)
Email: info@addaction.org.uk
Website: www.addaction.org.uk
Addaction is a charity working in the field of drug and alcohol treatment. The website gives good, detailed info on how drugs affect health and how to get help.
Adfam
Tel: 020 7928 8898 (Mon–Fri 9am–5pm)
Email: admin@adfam.org.uk
Website: www.adfam.org.uk
Adfam provides a range of publications and resources for families affected by drugs and operates an online message board and database of local support groups. Adfam also runs direct support services at London prisons for families of inmates affected by drugs. A list of publications and resources is available on the website.
DrugScope
Tel: 020 7928 1211 (Mon–Fri 9am–5.30pm)
Email: info@drugscope.org.uk
Website: www.drugscope.org.uk
National drugs information agency with services that include a library, a wide range of publications, policy research and consultancy. Contains useful info on drugs law.
Families Anonymous
Helpline: 0845 1200 660 (Mon–Fri 1pm–5pm, otherwise telephone numbers of volunteer contacts are given by recorded message)
Email: office@famanon.org.uk
Website: www.famanon.org.uk
Runs groups throughout the UK for relatives and friends of people using drugs or with related behavioural problems.
FRANK
Helpline: 0800 77 66 00 (24 hours)
Textphone: 0800 917 8765
Email: frank@talktofrank.com
Website: www.talktofrank.com
Provides free confidential drugs information and advice 24 hours a day. All calls are confidential. Use the website's search facility to get the contact details of organisations offering practical help and support in your area.
Lifeline
Helpline: 0161 839 2054 (Mon–Fri 9.30–5pm)
Email: acs@lifeline.org.uk
Website: www.lifeline.org.uk
Confidential advice, information and support for drug users, their family and friends. Lifeline have offices in Manchester, East Lancashire, West Yorkshire and Calderdale providing a range of services.
Release
Legal Helpline: 0845 4500 215 (Mon–Fri 11am–5.30pm)
Heroin Helpline: 0845 4500 215 (Mon–Fri 11am–5.30pm)
Email: ask@release.org.uk
Website: www.release.org.uk
Specialist helpline for heroin users and those connected with them. Release also provide legal advice.
Online resources
Alcohol and Drugs – What parents need to know
www.rcpsych.ac.uk/../whatparentsneedtoknow
One of the 'Mental Health and Growing Up' factsheets produced by The Royal College of Psychiatrists.
Home Office – Information for Family Members Who Are Supporting Drug Users
www.drugs.gov.uk/publication-search/communications-campaigns/Informationresourcesforfamilymem?view=Standard&pubID=156728
The findings from a qualitative research project undertaken on behalf of the Home Office and Adfam, to establish the information and resource needs of 'family' supporters of drug users.
Channel 4 Health article on how friends and families can help
www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/drugs/haw_families.html
