Friends and family
It's not just the drinker who feels the effects of alcohol misuse but family and friends who are living with the problem too. Services are getting more clued up to help relatives while there are national networks of self-help groups especially for families and friends.
Ask any friend or family of an alcoholic what it's like to be close to a heavy user and they'll likely tell you that their life a roller coaster. Daily life is a series of highs and lows as it follows the mood swings and episodes – of inebriation or sobriety – of their loved one.
The support arm of Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon, depicts the situation as a carousel and urges family members and friends to step off the merry-go-round. In this way they help break the cycle of blame, guilt and recrimination that perpetuate the illness, according to their philosophy.
Vicious cycle
While other support agencies may disagree with the premise that alcohol dependency is an illness, many agree with the strategy of counselling independence for family and friends. 'The biggest piece of advice is to accept that you have no control over their drinking habits,' recommends Sue Howard, alcohol services manager for Alcohol Recovery Project.
In extreme cases, a partner may have to take the decision to separate to enable a heavy user to take responsibility for their own actions. But it's a hard course to take and not even a desirable move for parents and young children to break their bond, whoever is in the user or carer role in their situation.
Children of mis-users
ChildLine research shows that children of parents who misuse alcohol face multiple problems, with over half reporting physical violence. In just over half the calls, the father is the problem drinker and in about a third, the mother. Care of the parent, other siblings or household tasks may often fall to a child in these families. Children are disadvantaged again if the family is referred for help because specialist alcohol services often have no tradition of working with young people.
Hidden 'ism'
For many problem drinkers and their families, however, alcohol is a much more subtle force and often relatives don't suspect there's anything wrong. This is because alcohol remains largely an invisible problem and your typical alcohol dependent looks like an average person.
Telltale signs
'He, or she, probably looks very normal and holds down a decent job,' explains George Budge, coordinator for ASCA. However there are likely to be telltale signs, such as a stale odour in the mornings, or erratic behaviour such as skipping commitments or unaccountable moods or aggression.
Denial
One of the most common symptoms of a drink problem is denial. 'It's something that you're good at when you're dependent,' says one sober alcoholic. ARP regularly sees this even in mothers who are partially recovered. 'Alcohol can have such a disastrous effect on the family that they find it hard to acknowledge their actions.'
Families collude too as the stigma, or the perceived guilt in the part they may have played makes them silent on the topic with friends and neighbours. This can also happen in the workplace – witness how colleagues covered up for Lib Dem leader Charles Kennedy for so long and until the situation became untenable.
Keep talking
If someone you know has a drink problem, it's important to keep lines of communication open if you can, so be prepared to talk calmly and discuss all the facts. It helps to try and keep a positive regard for the person too – remember it's 'the pattern not the person'.
Help for you
It's important to get help for yourself too to get the chance to talk through the stress, anxiety and concerns you may be living with. Support is available on a one to one basis or through attending groups such as Al-Anon that operates every night all over the country.
Binge Drinking Mum – how one mother tried to tackle her daughter's alcohol misuse
www.channel4.com/more4/documentaries/
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Channel 4 Health article on how friends and families can help www.channel4.com/health/microsites/0-9/4health/drugs/haw_families.html