young mums talk

by Lucy Brown

It's common knowledge now that the UK has the highest level of teenage pregnancy in Europe. The Government is determined to lower that rate, with measures intended to halve it by end 2001. There are always plenty of opinions flying around about young women getting pregnant and having babies – and they are seldom positive. Yet how often do we hear the voices of young mums themselves?

© C4

Rachael, Diane, Sarah, Clair and Stef know better than anyone how hard and also how great it is to be a young mother. They are all part of WILD, a Cornwall-based learning and support initiative for young parents.

we've been there

how did it feel when you knew you were pregnant?

Clair is 17 and due to have her baby boy this month. 'I'd waited a week for the test and it was inconclusive – that week felt like forever,' says Clair. 'The worst thing was that everyone at work just assumed that because of my age I was going to have an abortion. I thought, "why is it that my age means I can't keep this baby?"'

what's it like being a young mum?

Stef is 21 and had her little girl, Ruby, when she was 17. 'It's not hard being a young mum, it's hard facing all the criticism, being told you're a bad mum,' says Stef. 'People looking at you and making assumptions about you, that's the hardest thing. If you're young and you're single and you're skint, then you've got just about everything against you. But at the end of the day you still deserve to be treated as a good mum.'

'If you're in Tesco or whatever and your kid is screaming, people look down on you,' says Clair, 'even more because of your age. If you're young, you're supposed to be a bad parent. People just assume that because they're older, they've got their education, they've got their job, you know, they're alright. But with young mums, it's like, "Well, she's got no job, no education. What has she got to offer that poor baby?" That's how I think people are gonna look at me.'

did you get a house when you got pregnant?

Jo Davies, the WILD group co-ordinator, has had a lot of experience working with young mothers. She says, 'The standard procedure across the country is that you'd be put into bed-and-breakfast, a homeless shelter or some kind of emergency housing. It would be quite some time after your baby was born before you got any proper housing.'

This was the situation Stef found herself in after becoming a mum. 'I got emergency housing with other homeless people, not other parents; people who were not particularly very nice to me,' she says. 'You don't feel very safe.'

Jo explains that poor housing is a factor in infant asthma, low birth weight and, importantly, post-natal depression. 'If these women were put in the right housing from the beginning, many of their problems would be lessened,' says Jo.

what are the good things about being a young mum?

The WILD project acknowledges that it's not an easy job bringing up children, especially if you're young. But these women are parents because they chose to be. None of them wishes they hadn't had their children.

Sarah is 24 and has a 16-month-old baby boy called Kai. She feels there are lots of positive things about being a young mum: 'You grow up with your child. If you have them at 16 you could go out clubbing with them when they're old enough!'

Diane is 25 and her son Hadyn was born three years ago. Diane doesn't think that she was a particularly young mum but 'people think I'm 18 or 19 and they treat me differently'. Diane feels that it's irrelevant what age you are, as you will love your child whether you're 15 or 30.

Rachael, 23, mother of two-year-old Robbie, agrees: 'No matter what age you are, you're still going to have a special bond with your child.'

what will you tell your kids about sex?

Sarah says, 'I'm really worried about the teenage years, bringing my son up and not letting him go off the rails. And when you have to talk to your little boys about wet dreams!'

They all think it's really important to educate their kids about sex, and they joke that their kids are going to know everything by the time they're 11. 'I'm going to make sure Haydn is well armed with condoms when he's 12,' Diane says, seriously.

'You don't think about all that when you're going to have a baby,' adds Rachel, 'that one day you're going to have to teach him about girls. You just think of the baby, and babies are lovely, aren't they? They're gorgeous, but they're not babies for long.'

If you do find yourself pregnant and faced with making the decision about whether to keep your baby, there is one thing the WILD women would all advise: whatever decision you make, make sure it's the right decision for you, and don't feel pressurised by anyone else.

help and info

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organisations

Home Start
2 Salisbury Road
Leicester LE1 7QR
Tel: 0116 233 9955 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
Information Line: 08000 68 63 68 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
E-mail: info@home-start.org.uk
Website: http://www.home-start.org.uk/site/index.asp
Home Start know about being the parent of young children and their volunteers are there to visit and help you when you are isolated, depressed or in a difficult situation.

Gingerbread
7 Sovereign Close
Sovereign Court
London E1W 2HW
Tel: 020 7488 9300
Advice Line: 0800 018 4318 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
E-mail: advice@gingerbread.org.uk
Website: www.gingerbread.org.uk
Provides day-to-day support and practical help for lone parents and their children via a national network of local self-help groups. Call the helpline for advice on benefits, childcare, CSA, contact, divorce, employment, housing, maternity rights and lone parenthood.

Meet-A-Mum Association (MAMA)
54 Lillington Road
Radstock BA3 3NR
Tel: 01525 217064 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
Helpline: 0845 120 3746 (Mon-Fri 7pm-10pm)
E-mail: meet_a_mum.assoc@btinternet.com
Website: www.mama.co.uk
Network of MAMA groups and individuals providing friendship and support for mothers and pregnant women who are isolated and lonely. Women are put in touch with other women or groups of women for support. There is a telephone helpline, and leaflets and booklets are available for a small charge.

Parentline Plus
Helpline: 0808 800 2222 (24 hours a day, every day)
Textphone: 0800 783 6783
Website: www.parentlineplus.org.uk
Offers support to anyone parenting a child; the child's parents, stepparents, grandparents and foster parents. Runs free telephone and email helplines, parenting courses and offers information leaflets.

Single Parents Action Network
Baptist Street
Bristol BS5 0YW
Tel: 0117 951 4231
Website: www.spanuk.org.uk
A multi-racial organisation run by single parents working to improve the conditions of life for one-parent families.

The WILD Young Parents Project
57 Lemon Street
Truro TR1 2PE
Tel: 01872 260655 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
E-mail: Office@WildOnline.org.uk
A project offering resources, gatherings and support for young mothers and fathers around Truro and other areas of Cornwall.

websites

Asda Healthy Eating on a Budget
http://193.201.200.191/factsheets/pdf/budget.pdf?nourl=www.asda.co.uk/Elink/d_budget&r_link_ext=d_budget
An Asda guide on how your family can eat well and you can still stay in the black!

Babycentre Young Parent's Chatboard
http://www.babycentre.co.uk/bbs/545214
Forum for young parents to ask questions and share their thoughts, tips and experiences.

Beyond the Baby Blues
www.babyblues.freeserve.co.uk
Has useful information for women who may be suffering with postnatal depression.

Sure Start
http://www.surestart.gov.uk/surestartservices/support/helpwithchildcarecosts/supportforyoungparents
Explains about the financial support available to young parents who want to continue their education or training but need help with the costs of their childcare.

Young Fathers
http://www.fathersdirect.com/index.php?id=13
Advice, support and information on all aspects of being a young father, from the Fathers Direct website.

(updated December 2002, resources updated June 2005)