'A boy forced me to have sex with him at a party and threatened me not to tell anyone'
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Q: I was at a party a couple of days ago and me and my mate's older brother were getting on really well. We started flirting and he asked me to go up to his bedroom. When we got up there – we were both a bit tipsy – he asked me if I was going out with anyone. When I said 'no' he asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I said 'no', and then he forced me. I am scared to tell anyone because he threatened me. Jennifer, 15 |
our online advisors reply:
It is not surprising that you sound worried and upset as you have been through a traumatic experience. The legal age of consent in the UK for sex is 16, but it is not your fault that you had sex. After all, your friend's brother had sex with you against your will (without your consent). Are you aware that if someone forces you to have sex against your will, that is rape? Rape is a serious crime. This is an awful experience for you to go through.
He has threatened you not to tell. This is a way of manipulating you. He knows that what he has done is wrong and is frightened that he will get into trouble if you told. The thing you should remember is that if you did tell somebody about this, you would have all the power, instead of him manipulating you. I am also concerned that he may do it again to someone else if you do not tell about it. You could do this in complete confidence by phoning ChildLine on 0800 1111 (any time of the day or night). Calls are free and confidential. The lines can be really busy, so you may need to ring a few times before you get through.
I wonder if you could talk to someone about what has happened? Perhaps there is an adult you feel comfortable talking to? If there is nobody you can talk to, you could contact the Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre, where you can discuss what happened in confidence and get the help and support you need. They have a helpline on 08451 221 331 which is open every day of the year (Mon-Fri 12-2.30pm & 7pm-9.30pm; Sat-Sun 2.30pm-5pm). You could also e-mail them on info@rasasc.org.uk.
You will need a pregnancy test and STI test, if this was unprotected sex. You could have these tests at your local Brook centre in complete confidence. You can telephone Brook on 0800 0185 023 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm). Brook provides free, confidential sex advice and contraception to all young people. The website has information on the services provided, frequently asked questions and details of how to get in touch with your local Brook centre.
The Survive website has lots of useful information. This is a comprehensive site, put together by a survivor of rape, which looks at many of the issues surrounding rape including date rape, the legal process, support networks and web links. It also offers various mailing lists, including one aimed specifically at rape victims aged between 11 and 18 who would like to talk to others who have been through similar experiences.
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