'I turned down a snog but wish I hadn't now. What have I done?'
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Q: I was at the park with my three mates, and this lad came up to ME and asked me out. I said, 'No, have one of my other mates, because I'm fat and ugly, and wear glasses, so don't have me.' So he took my mate Helen and they snogged for half an hour. I was really jealous because I fancied him. I should never have said 'no'. I wish I had said 'yes' now. What have I done? Sara, 15 |
our online advisors reply:
Don't worry too much about the boy in the park. It sounds as if he only wanted you for what he could get, as he didn't seem bothered who he snogged as long as it was one of you.
You are obviously unhappy with your appearance. You are at a time in your life when your body is changing; you have higher levels of hormones, which will be affecting your body and your emotions. You are also at a time when appearance matters to you because your sexuality is developing and you want to attract others. This can be a very difficult and confusing time.
The most important thing is how you feel about yourself. Being attractive is much more an internal thing and to develop your own sense of self-worth is the best way of relieving your suffering.
Look at the qualities that you do like about yourself and concentrate on these. This will help to build you confidence in yourself. You may find it useful to look at our article on chatting up, so that once you have begun to build your confidence you can then look towards getting the right man for you.
As regards your weight, unfortunately films, television and magazines promote a certain figure as being the normal and this causes many problems for people who don't fit in to the unreal image. It's so important to remember that the images you see are not 'normal' - they just reflect a few people. If you look around you you'll see that there are so many different weights and this creates variety.
Everyone has different preferences and certainly not everyone finds the thin images in the media attractive. However, if you do feel unhappy about your weight, maybe you could talk to your doctor or your school nurse to work out a healthy eating and exercise regime for yourself.
If you wanted to talk to someone you could contact Youth2Youth, which is a helpline for young people run by young people. They are available on 020 8896 3675 (Mon-Thurs, 6.30-9.30pm). They also have a website at www.youth2youth.co.uk, which explains other ways that you can contact them, including online chat and email.
I hope this helps.
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