'What can I say to my friend to stop him cutting himself?'
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Q: My friend cuts himself. He says he does it cos he's anxious and he's under pressure and underachieves and stuff. I know its good he's talking to me but I can't think of what to say so that I can help him stop it. Mandy, 14 |
our online advisors reply:
It can be really hard watching someone you care about suffering. It can feel frustrating not knowing what to do for the best. Please don't discount what you are already doing – if he confides in you, you are helping him. Having a space to discuss how he is feeling, no matter how bad, is most probably helping him to release a lot of the tension that he is experiencing.
It's obvious that you are really concerned for him but are feeling a bit unsure about what to do to support him. Giving him time and listening is really important. Not judging what he is doing but trying to gently encourage him to seek help. Don't try to take responsibility for making him stop. The cutting is helping him to cope. The positive thing about your friend at the moment is that he hasn't cut you off – he still trusts you and confides in you.
Self harm is often a way of controlling a distressing situation or releasing pressure that has been building up inside. It can often help a person to feel in control of their life. It takes time to be ready to let go of cutting, especially when it has been a way of coping. The other side of this is that it can also feel upsetting to be still actually doing it.
It isn't all going to change at once but every step along the way will be important. Encouraging him to make an effort to keep his cuts clean and healthy and not being angry at himself when he does cut are all part of the healing process.
If you have a look at the following sites, it may help you understand a bit more about what your friend is experiencing and offer advice to you on the best way to support him through a bad time. They will also offer encouragement and understanding about why he does this and give you general information about mental health and self-harming. Remember to look after yourself too.
You could also check out the self-harm feature in the Mind section of this website.
Channel 4 is not responsible for the content of third party sites.
