young lives under pressure
by Lynn Eaton
Parents always arguing? Worried about relationships at school? Got an exam coming up?
Issues like this can sometimes seem like such a big problem they make us feel stressed.
© Getty
Adults often complain they feel stressed by work, shopping and even looking after the kids. But experts in stress agree that teenagers and young people can get stressed too.
'People used to think that childhood was a time when you were blissfully ignorant,' says Guinevere Tufnell, a psychiatrist in a busy child mental health clinic in east London. 'Now we know that isn't true. Children are at least as vulnerable to stress as adults.'
Stress can be equally as serious for young people too. Student suicides almost doubled – from 80 in 1990 to 140 in 1998 – according to the Committee of Vice Chancellors and Principals. Suicides are the most common cause of death, after accidents, in men aged 15-24, according to The Samaritans.
exam stress
Exams are a big worry for most young people. ChildLine, the free, 24-hour helpline for children, spoke to around 800 young people worried about exams between April 2000 and March 2001.
Of these, 19 young people were so worried they had contemplated – and in some cases even attempted – suicide.
Children calling ChildLine said they felt panic-stricken, overburdened and overwhelmed. 'They can feel their whole life hangs in the balance and pressure to succeed can become unbearable,' says a ChildLine counsellor.
Half of the calls to ChildLine about exam stress came from people sitting their GCSEs. But even children as young as seven can get worried about sitting their school tests.
In 2000 The Samaritans launched an awareness campaign to help young people cope with the emotional backlash at exam results time and also added a 'coping with exam results' page to their website.
You can find out more about surviving exam pressures and organisations which can help you in our coping with exams feature.
parents add to the load
Sometimes parents don't help much either. One caller to ChildLine, 16-year-old Alan, was finding it impossible to revise because his parents both worked late and expected him to look after his younger brother and sister. 'It's just impossible to get any work done. I'm going to fail, I know I am,' he told counsellors.
Other parents expect too much. Susan, 15, said her mum was expecting her to match her friend's results. 'But I can't. Mum doesn't realise this other girl is dead brainy.'
One good thing about exam stress is that you know there will come a time when the exams are over and you can enjoy yourself again – although waiting for the results can be nerve-racking too.
There are tips for parents about helping youngsters manage exam pressures in our coping with exams feature.
bullying
Unfortunately, with some stresses, like bullying or problems with your mum and dad, it may feel like there is no immediate end in sight. It can be particularly difficult to know what to do if you are being hit by somebody or even sexually abused.
Bullying is one of the most common worries among young people. More than 20,000 children called ChildLine about bullying between April 2000 and March 2001 – far more than for any other issue. Bullying was the top problem for the fifth year running. There were four times as many girls as boys ringing in. Many of them were worried about people calling them names, threatening them, hitting them or being teased.
One girl, Shamila, 15, told counsellors she was being bullied by girls in her class. 'I am about the only Asian girl in my school,' she said. She didn't feel she could tell her parents because they weren't getting on well and she didn't want to add to their worries.
Jackie, 14, rang up, deeply upset. Her best friend had turned against her and was calling her names. 'I took an overdose a couple of months ago,' she said. 'I just wanted someone to notice me – to notice the bullying.'
parents breaking up
For many young people these days, one of the most stressful events in their lives is their parents splitting up. Family relationships are the second most common reason for young people ringing ChildLine, which had more than 16,000 calls about these problems between April 2000 and March 2001.
'It's their own little Hollyoaks soap opera played out in front of them,' says ChildLine's counselling manager Clive Pegram. 'You get children asked by their parents who do they want to live with? Their mum or their dad? A child shouldn't be having to decide that.'
He says children should be included in making that decision with both parents rather than being forced to choose on their own.
do something
When stress goes on for a long time it can cause emotional and behavioural problems, according to Guinevere Tufnell. There is even some research which suggests stress may lead to mental health problems in later life.
She says: 'It helps a lot when adults understand that children are vulnerable to stress, recognise the signs and get help when it's needed.'
are you feeling stressed?
Stress isn't always a bad thing. It can make your body produce adrenaline, the 'fight or flight' hormone which gives you that little extra bit of drive to overcome nerves and do really well in a situation.
But long term, stress can be bad news.
If you are dealing with a long-term stress, whether it is bullying or some kind of family problem, your body will react physically to the pressure of having high levels of stress-related hormones in your system.
Find out more about how our bodies react under pressure in our feature what is stress?
If you are worried you may be getting stressed, or worried about a friend, watch out for warning signs like these:
- irritability
- difficulties sleeping
- going off your food
- becoming quiet and withdrawn
- feeling tired all the time
- stomach aches or headaches
- finding it hard to concentrate on school work
- having difficulty solving problems you usually find easy.
young people coping with stress
It may feel like there is nothing you can do when you are feeling stressed to make yourself feel better. But there is.
Here are a few tips from some experts. Give them a try.
beating stress
- Think of your stress as a puzzle to be solved. Work out what situations make you feel stressed (exams, going to a party, meeting a new person) and how you behave.
- Think of different ways you could behave in that situation, so you would feel more in control.
- Imagine how other people might behave if you acted differently. If you seem nervous, for example, they might get nervous too; if you smile, they will probably smile back.
- Try rehearsing different ways of behaving – act it out loud with a friend.
- You might get it wrong when you try it for real, but not everyone is right first time. Try it again, next time.
- If things are getting on top of you, try to find someone to talk to. It might be your parents, an aunt or uncle, a close friend, a teacher or the school nurse. If you go to church, temple, or another place of worship, you could speak to someone there.
- If you are having difficulty sleeping or feel tearful and depressed, you could see your family doctor or practice nurse. They can put you in touch with specialists who are trained to deal with young people's problems.
exam stress
- Try to plan your revision time by drawing up a timetable. Build in time for the things you enjoy – like watching your favourite TV programme, going out with your friends, or going to play football in the park.
- Don't leave your revision to the last minute – cramming will only make you more stressed out.
- Work out the best time for you to revise – some people are more alert in the morning; others study better later in the day.
- Study in short bursts, rather than long sessions.
- Give yourself a few treats – pamper yourself with a long hot bath, or listen to your favourite CD for an hour after you have finished your revision.
There are more tips about managing stress during revision and exams in our coping with exams feature.
family relationships
- Try to talk to your parents about how you feel. Don't let them pass the buck to you about choosing which of them you want to live with.
- Talk to as many people as possible about what is going on, especially your friends. Don't bottle it up.
abusive situations
- If you are being bullied or abused physically or sexually, try to tell an adult – such as your parents or a teacher you trust.
- You may decide to tell a friend at first. If you do that, you should still try to work out how you are going to tell an adult.
- If you really don't feel able to tell anyone yet, then keep a diary. You might find it a therapeutic way of expressing how you feel. It will also be useful as a record should you ever take the matter further.
life experiences
we've been there
Leigh, 16, has just decided to leave sixth form college because he found the work difficult.
'The biggest stress for me was getting a lot of course work all at the same time, with the deadlines close together. I've decided to get a job and do the courses in computing part-time at my own pace.'
Leigh, who lives with his mum and grandparents, finds studying hard. 'You go downstairs and they have got the telly on really loud. You can't get much peace and quiet, especially when you are trying to study.'
He's a firm believer in telling someone if you are stressed out by something. 'Go and see the teachers if you've got problems,' he says. 'I know everyone says it, but not many people do it. I did it once when I didn't understand something and ever since I always talk to them.'
Michelle, also 16, has just started sixth form college after doing well in her GCSEs.
'I got really stressed out waiting for my results. It was quite scary on the morning, having to wait for them to be posted up at the school. I couldn't eat any breakfast, although I did at least sleep the night before. I was quite frightened about starting a new school. I found it difficult to start making conversation, but you just had to work at it. It's weird at the moment. The courses are not what I expected. It was so easy at school but now it is so much harder. I've got assignments to do and I panic, especially when I don't understand what I am supposed to do. But once when that happened, I asked the teacher, who helped to explain it to me. Then I was alright.'
Daevid, nine, feels a bit stressed when he goes to the doctor's.
'I just get a bit worried when I'm sitting in the chair in the waiting room. But I just go ahead with it and get it over with.' His friend Harry does have problems though. 'Sometimes people are horrible to him and he really freaks out and starts punching them. He doesn't do it on purpose. Afterwards, he just can't believe what he has done.'
Sarah, 16, has had problems at home recently.
'I had a bit of trouble with my dad. He was moaning at me because he said I wasn't doing enough around the house. He went really mad, threatening the house wasn't big enough for both of us. I was really upset, but decided I had to talk to him more and tell him what was going on in my life. I used to just talk to my mum and I think he felt left out.'
help and info
Channel 4 is not responsible for the content of third party sites.
You can find out more about how to cope with stress in our 'stressbusters' tips under don't panic and our beat your stress feature. There is more advice on exam pressures in our coping with exams feature.
If you need someone to talk to about stress, including bullying, problems with parents or exam worries, there are several organisations and helplines.
organisations
ChildLine
45 Folgate Street
London E1 6GL
Helpline: 0800 11 11 (Freephone 24 hours)
Textphone: 0800 400 222
The Line: a special helpline for any young person living away from home. This is the helpline for you if you live in a foster home or a children's home, if you're at boarding school or you've been in hospital for a long time. You can call The Line on 0800 88 44 44 from 3.30pm to 9.30pm on weekdays and 2pm to 8pm at weekends.
Website: www.childline.org.uk
UK's free, 24-hour helpline for children and young people. Trained volunteer counsellors provide comfort, advice and protection. Lines can be busy so please try again if you don't get through the first time. Young people can write to the following freepost address: ChildLine, Freepost 1111, London N1 0BR.
Get Connected
Tel: 0808 808 4994 (1pm-11pm every day)
E-mail: help@getconnected.org.uk
Website: help@getconnected.org.uk
Free confidential telephone and e-mail helpline directly connecting young people to services that can offer help and support, whatever the problem. Volunteers are trained specifically in speaking to young people.
NSPCC
Freephone helpline: 0808 800 5000 (24 hours)
Asian Child Protection Helpline: 0800 096 7719 (Mon-Fri 11am-7pm) (English speaking
line – Asian languages are also available)
Textphone for the deaf and hard of hearing: 0800 056 0566
E-mail: help@nspcc.org.uk
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk
The NSPCC Child Protection helpline is there for anyone concerned about a child at risk
of abuse, including children themselves. The helpline is also available for people who
are concerned about their own behaviour towards children.
Samaritans
c/o Chris
PO Box 90 90
Stirling FK8 2SA
Helpline: 08457 90 90 90 (24 hours)
E-mail: jo@samaritans.org
Website: www.samaritans.org.uk
The Samaritans exists to provide confidential emotional support to any person, irrespective of race, creed, age or status who is in emotional distress or at risk of suicide; 24 hours a day. Can be contacted by e-mail, telephone, writing, or by visiting one of over 200 local branches (details are on the website).
YoungMinds
102-108 Clerkenwell Road
London EC1M 5SA
Tel: 020 7336 8445 (Just for info and publications)
Parents Information Service: 0800 018 2138 (Mon & Fri 10am-1pm; Tue-Thur 1-4pm)
E-mail: enquiries@youngminds.org.uk
Website: www.youngminds.org.uk
National charity committed to improving the mental health of all children and young people. Campaigns for better provision of child and adolescent mental health services. Provides information to anyone with concerns about the mental health or emotional well-being of a child or young person. Can give information on mental health issues, and details of local and national advice services. Leaflets for young people, and other helpful information are available on their award-winning mental health site.
websites
@ease
www.rethink.org/at-ease
Mental health resource for young people under stress or worried about their thoughts and feelings. Features information on causes of stress and practical advice on how to feel better.
Ahead 4 Health
www.leeds.ac.uk/ahead4health
Produced by Leeds University Union and Leeds University, this site is aimed at all students experiencing stress, such as relationship problems, sexuality, exams and leaving.
Teen Spirit
www.geocities.com/london_kid7/teenspirit
Website run by teens for teens to help them cope with the stress of adolescent life.
TheSite
www.thesite.org
Provides information and advice on a range of issues affecting young adults aged 16-25. Areas covered include sex, relationships, money, legal, health, mental health, drugs, careers and housing.
reading
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Stress in Young People: What's new and what to do by Sarah Macnamara (Continuum International Publishing Group, 2000) |
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Stress and Depression in Children and Teenagers: Overcoming common problems by Vicky Maud (Sheldon Press, 2002) |
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(updated November 2002, resources updated June 2005)
