step 6: positive thinking
by Gladeana McMahon
You are stuck in a traffic jam on the way to an important meeting that could directly affect your chances of clinching a major contract. You love your job and want to always do your best. Which of the following sounds more like you?
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The worrier
'This is awful…I'm really stupid…why didn't I leave more time? They will think I am so unprofessional. I've really screwed up. Come on! Get a move on! There's plenty of space to get through there.'
The realist
'This isn't exactly the best thing that could have happened. However, getting upset is not going to make the traffic move any faster. It's better for me to stay calm and arrive in a fit state for what I have to do.'
Which of the two styles of thinking do you think will enable you to perform better when you get to the meeting?
The way you think has a direct relationship on how you feel and how you behave. Thinking style affects how stressed you get in any given situation. In the scenario above, most people would assume that the first person's feelings are caused by the traffic. But, as the second person's thoughts show, it is possible to react to the same event very differently by changing the way you think about it. The 'realist' in this situation may not get through the traffic any quicker than the 'worrier', but will certainly arrive at the meeting less stressed and more able to handle whatever happens.
Negative thoughts can lead to negative outcomes and, in turn, can turn a crisis into a drama.
how your thoughts affect stress
Researchers at the Harvard School of Public Health and the Department of Veterans' Affairs in Boston discovered in a study in 2001 that people who viewed the world more optimistically had half the risk of coronary heart disease compared to their more pessimistic counterparts. Another study conducted in 2002 at Yale University found that thinking positively about ageing adds approximately seven-and-a-half years to your life.
Further research, published in the American Psychological Association's Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in 2002, reveals that optimists tend to have happier lives and are healthier, regardless of the degree of stress they experience. The joint research project, by staff at Brigham and Women's Hospital, and the Harvard Medical School, suggests that attitude strengthens the immune system.
Research by psychologists at Carleton University, Canada, has also shown that stress is often caused by people putting off undertaking a task. They isolated five forms of 'faulty thinking' that contribute to this type of behaviour – which they call 'procrastination'. The five 'faulty' beliefs are identified as:
- people can only work when in the mood
- you need to like the task in hand
- the task has to be completed in one go
- there's plenty of time to get it done
- people work better under pressure so should leave everything until the last minute.
These and other studies on the links between thought patterns and stress have influenced the stress management field. Many practitioners now believe that helping people develop healthy thinking styles is a vital part of any stress management programme.
Essentially, the mind is like a muscle that you can exercise. All of us engage in what can be called 'self-talk' – akin to having supermarket music playing in your head 24 hours a day – that you don't really notice but is always there. You shouldn't blame yourself for the thinking patterns you have developed. They are the product of many different things over many years. But you can start to do something about how you tend to react to stress.
Over time, it is possible to train your thoughts and develop a thinking style that not only reduces your stress but gets you more of what you want more of the time.
negative thinking
These are the most common types of faulty thinking:
All or nothing
You see everything as being at one extreme or another – right or wrong, good or bad – it is hard for you to see the 'middle' path in life. For example, you might think: 'Because my meeting did not go completely to plan it was a total failure.'
Mental filter
You dwell on the negatives and filter out the good things. Perhaps nine people tell you they enjoyed your presentation and the tenth says they thought you were a little over the top. You, of course, dwell on the tenth comment.
Discounting the positives
You fail to recognise your own accomplishments and achievements, only focussing on what you could have done better.
Jumping to conclusions
You assume that you know what someone else is thinking, without checking it out, and then act accordingly. If a friend looks blankly at you, you think: 'I must have done something to upset her.' Because you feel uncomfortable, you avoid her for the evening.
Magnification
Whatever you do, you blow everything out of proportion so you can really feel down.
Must do, should do and have to
You are always criticising yourself. You use the terms 'must', 'should' and 'have to' in such a way that you always feel bad about yourself. For example, you tell yourself: 'I should have known better. I am really stupid. I ought to be able to handle situations like that by now!'
Personalisation and blame
You always blame yourself, regardless of whether you are responsible for something or not. Whenever possible, you make sure to take everything personally.
Perfectionism
Perfectionist beliefs are another key factor that increases stress. Perfectionists can never win since nothing is ever perfect. There is always something, however small, that can be improved. This means a perfectionist is always falling short of the unrealistic standards they set themselves and can never appreciate what they have achieved.
A perfectionist fails to recognise what is known as the '80/20 rule'. This means that if you can get things 80% right you are doing really well and have high standards – any more than that is a real bonus. Very few things in real life ever add up to 100%.
accentuate the positive
If you want to improve your thinking style so that you can deal better with stressful situations there are a number of exercises that can help you achieve your goal.
exercising your mind
- Write down your negative thoughts, using the list above to identify which forms of faulty thinking you use. This will help you view any situation more realistically.
- Find alternative examples. If you think people are always criticising you, make a list of the times you have received compliments.
- Learn to be your own best friend. If you have a critical inner voice try and treat yourself with the same care and concern you would show your best friend. What would you say to them?
- Test your assumptions. If you think you would find it stressful to speak up at a meeting then write down something you would like to say and say it! Consider what is the worst that could happen?
- Try not to see everything in 'all or nothing' terms – think in small steps. For example, you could tell yourself: 'I handled that meeting better than I thought I would and I did manage to get one important point across.'
- Talk to other people. You are not the only one who has fears or difficulties. Speaking to others helps you keep things in proportion.
- If you hear yourself thinking you must do something, turn it into a preference. For example, instead of thinking:'I must not make any errors', you could tell yourself: 'I would prefer not to make any errors. However, if I do it will not be the end of the world.'
- If you tend to think pessimistically, write down three good things that have happened or that you are pleased about at the end of each day. They do not need to be major events since life is mostly made up of small daily tasks. For example, you might think: 'I was pleased I rang Mum today even though I was busy. I am glad I took up Jane's offer to have the children. I was pleased about the way I managed that difficult customer as I stayed calmer than I usually do.'
- If you tend to take responsibility for everything, stand back and think about all the people and circumstances involved. Realistically look at what responsibility belongs to you and what belongs to other people. For example, if you find yourself thinking: 'I could have been better prepared for that meeting with Michael', you could add the thought: 'However, Julie did not send me the up-dated agenda that would have told me we were going to talk about the new sales campaign.'
Thinking positively is a skill. You cannot jettison your negative thinking and learn to love yourself overnight. But you can start here and now to re-run the soundtrack in your mind and think about how you respond to stressful situations. If you can begin to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative, you are at least half-way to a less stressful life.
help and info
Want to find out more? Take a look at our feature on stress management.
Do you think a stress management counsellor might help you? You can find names of stress management advisors in your local area via the International Stress Management Association website www.isma.org.uk. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy also has details of practitioners which can be accessed via its website www.counselling.co.uk. The British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies is another organisation that provides details of therapists which can also be accessed via its website www.babcp.com.
organisations
International Stress Management Association UK (ISMA)
PO Box 348
Waltham Cross EN8 8ZL
Tel: 07000 780430
E-mail: stress@isma.org.uk
Website: www.isma.org.uk
Promotes sound knowledge and best practice in the prevention and reduction of stress and sets professional standards.
British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy
35-37 Albert Street
Rugby CV31 2SG
Tel: 0870 443 5252 (Mon-Fri 8.45am-5pm)
E-mail: bacp@bacp.co.uk
Website: www.bacp.co.uk
BACP can provide you with a list of private counsellors in your area, plus information on counselling and choosing a counsellor.
British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP)
Globe Centre
PO Box 9
Accrington BB5 2GD
Tel: 01254 875277
E-mail: babcp@babcp.com
Website: www.babcp.org.uk
The leading body for cognitive-behavioural therapy in the UK. The website has a search facility to find an accredited therapist and gives information on how the therapy works.
websites
Longevity Increased by Positive Self-Perceptions of Ageing
www.apa.org/monitor/oct02/attitudes.html
Brief article on the findings of B Levy, M Slade, S Kunkel and S Kasl, which appeared in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, August 2002, Volume 83, Number 2.
Mind Tools
www.mindtools.com
A resource of skills and techniques to help people to excel in their chosen career. These include personal effectiveness skills, such as positive thinking, and techniques for controlling stress.
Stress: The Ultimate Challenge?
www.happiness.co.uk/Content/InspirationRoom/Articles/DisplayArticle.asp?ArticleID=12
An article in which the author discusses his belief that stress is not so much an illness as a symptom of inner and personal disharmony.
Reading
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Attitude Is Everything by Keith Harrell (Vermillion, 2000) |
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Confidence Works: Learn to be your own Life Coach by Gladeana McMahon (Sheldon Press, 2001) |
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Positive Thinking: Everything you have always known about positive thinking but were afraid to put into practice by Vera Peiffer (Element Books, 1999) |
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Your Mind at Work by Richard Israel, Cliff Shaffran and Helen Whitten (Kogan Page, 2000) |
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(updated November 2002, resources updated June 2005)
