juggling work and home life
by Kendra Inman
It may be true that few people on their death-beds ever wish they had spent more time at work. But when the pressure's on, this is one observation that we all too easily forget as we strive to meet the demands of our employers.
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In Britain we work longer hours than anywhere else in Europe and research shows we are left feeling stressed, exhausted and depressed by the struggle to meet the competing demands of home and work life. In a bid to do everything, we feel like we're failing to do anything well.
A study of 5,000 working mothers in June 2001 revealed that 93% of those questioned frequently felt under stress through trying to balance a career with raising a family. The women, interviewed in a survey for TopSante, said they suffered headaches, exhaustion, backaches and insomnia.
men want lives too
Predictably, the survey was leapt upon by some commentators as further evidence that women should turn their backs on the workplace and become full-time carers. If only it were that simple. The fact is it is not just women who are being ground down by today's working practices – men are suffering too. Some men feel just as fed up with work eating into time they would rather spend with their children or on hobbies and socialising.
Mounting concern about the impact of the long hours culture on home life and employees' health has led the government to launch a campaign aimed at persuading employers to offer their staff a better work-life balance. Research carried out to support the campaign, Work-Life Balance, a baseline survey, published in November 2000, uncovered the depressing fact that employers are more likely to offer stress counselling to help employees with the effects of the long-hours culture than to help them sort out their basic childcare needs.
The research also found that while most of us associate flexible working with women juggling children and careers, men want greater choice too. Men, particularly fathers, want more flexibility and are keen to work from home. But currently two-thirds of men feel that working part-time would adversely effect their careers.
juggling is bad for your health
The long hours culture is just as prevalent in the public sector as in blue chip companies. A study of academics carried out in 2000 found that more than half complained of poor psychological health, including stress, sleeplessness and depression. The research, Working in Higher Education: the relationship between perceptions of change, working conditions and psychological health, was carried out for the Association of University Teachers by Gail Kinman of the Luton University and Fiona Jones of the Hertfordshire University. It identified increased conflict between the demands of work and home life as one of the two main factors responsible for the problems.
how to improve your juggling act
There is no fail-safe recipe for achieving a healthy balance, according to Sue Monk, joint chief executive of the lobbying group Parents at Work. Each family needs to find a solution that suits them. However, a first step is to look at whether your working hours fit in with what your family needs, she says. If not, you might ask your employer if you can change your hours to part-time or to work more flexibly.
Most employers will consider an employee's request to change to part-time hours, says Ms Monk. 'They shouldn't just turn you down flat, but explain why it's too difficult to make the changes you want,' she says. 'Then you can show them how you plan to get round the barriers they've identified.'
In the UK we currently have to rely on employers being open-minded about flexible working to achieve better work-life balance. New rights in the Employment Bill, due to come into force in April 2003, will give all parents with children under six and all parents of children with disabilities a legal right to request to work flexibly. Find more details on the legislation on the Department of Trade and Industry site at www.dti.gov.uk/er/review.htm.
The Germans and Dutch, by contrast, already have a right to change their hours. There it is employers who have to show why the change would have a detrimental impact on their business, says Ms Monk.
Stress guru Cary Cooper, Bupa professor of organisational psychology and health at the University of Manchester's Institute of Science and Technology, also wants to see more work choices. He says businesses need to embrace technology and allow their staff to work flexibly – perhaps one day a week from a computer at home.
'People should also have "exit times" everyday that they stick to. You don't get work-life balance if you regularly take work home and it spills over into your private life,' he says.
better for employers too
The government's campaign for life-work balance is backed with a fund to help employers cover the costs of introducing flexible working practices. But for employers who remain unconvinced of the merits of such a move, there is now ample evidence to persuade them that time and money spent on promoting a healthy work-life balance saves money in the long run.
A study of private sector firms by the Joseph Rowntree Foundation in May 2002 found that those offering family-friendly working reported better market performance. The report, The Nature and Pattern of Family-friendly Employment Policies in Britain, showed that firms offering paternity leave and job-share arrangements reported better financial performance. Companies allowing staff to switch from full to part-time work reported above average productivity.
A survey by the Institute for Employment Studies in 1997 found employers who provide childcare referral services for their staff save an estimated £2 for every £1 they spend. The study, Who Cares? The business benefits of carer-friendly practices, also found the benefit could cut costs through reduced sickness absences.
The Parents at Work group is campaigning for a legal right for employees to change their hours, with an opt-out for businesses which could prove the change would be detrimental. Until then we just have to keep pressing home the point that a healthy work-life balance is better for all.
life experiences
Rachel Hedley, 39, from London, has road-tested most working arrangements in her search for the perfect work-life balance. Before the birth of her two children she worked full-time for a major trade union. She continued full-time after taking maternity leave, switched to a part-time position, then turned her job into a job-share. She finally became self-employed, when her childcare arrangements grew too complicated and she now restricts her work to school hours and evenings.
Now working as a magazine contract publisher, she believes achieving a healthy work-life balance means deciding not to get sucked into the 'ego trip' that work can be. 'You can't care too much that you won't be a chief executive because juggling is too difficult if you go down the career route,' she says.
She doesn't believe a healthy work-life balance is possible if both parents work long hours. 'It's hard on you and your children unless you're in a position to buy in lots of services, including cooks and gardeners,' she says. However, part-time work is not an easy option either, says Rachel. 'It is at least as hard but it has some advantages and flexibility.'
Job-shares work better, in her experience. Part-time workers have to wrench themselves away from the job and the work just sits there until they come in again, so they end up trying to condense things, she explains. 'With a job-share someone else is taking responsibility for the work when you're not there.'
Keri Lewis Brown, also 39, from Manchester, worked full-time until she had a third child. She then opted for a four-day week. At first she thought the drop in hours would be a less stressful alternative to the full-on existence that she and her partner, who also worked full-time, struggled with. But this quickly proved not to be the case. Keri's job as a television consultant involved international travel – something that, with three young children, turned up the stress dial a few notches more.
'The amount of organisation required became too much in the end. Low points included being sent to France for a week when I was breast feeding my youngest child. That was awful,' she recalls. The family coped as long as their complex arrangements held up. But when they were left 'nannyless' and both parents had to be in work, Keri's partner had to take all three to the office to pick up a lap top so he could work at home.
The situation made everyone stressed. 'I found it hard to support my partner in his work with so many demands,' she says. The four-day week was accompanied by a fall in income which made the struggle seem less and less worthwhile. 'After childcare costs I was left with £100 a week for what was supposed to be a well-paid, full-time job.'
Self-employment was the answer for Keri who says the move has taken a huge amount of pressure off the family. 'Now I work 20 hours a week or thereabouts. But it means I can pick the children up from school and have their friends around,' she says.
10 top tips for expert juggling
We asked a variety of parents juggling work and home life for their advice on keeping all those balls in the air. This is what they suggest:
- Take up time management. Set out the goals you want to achieve that week and stick to them.
- Don't try to emulate what other people do. Find the right balance for you and your family.
- Make time for yourself. Working women – and men – often feel so guilty about not giving enough time to their children that they never allow themselves time to relax, exercise or have fun.
- Forget guilt. It's a waste of time. There will always be more you could have done at work and at home. Employers and families have insatiable appetites and you'll never be able to satisfy all of them.
- Make sure you have good support networks. When times are easier offer help to your friends, then when you are under pressure you won't feel bad about asking them to help you.
- Make quality time for you and your partner too. It is vital that you can support each other.
- Try to keep a sense of proportion. It is not really the end of the world if you are five minutes late at school once in a while, or occasionally have to ask for more time to finish a report.
- If you're not happy, don't wait until you or your partner is forced to give up work as the pressures reach overload, before you change your life.
- Accept that you'll never find a lasting solution to the work-life dilemma. Children's needs change, parents age and need more support, and your own desires change too. Be prepared to be flexible and change the way you work in the future.
- A sense of humour helps. You can minimise the stress you cause yourself – and others – by laughing at the smaller irritations that are sent to try us.
For more information about coping with families take a look at the family section.
help and info
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organisations and helplines
Daycare Trust
21 St George's Road
London SE1 6ES
Childcare hotline: 020 7840 3350 (Mon-Fri 10am-5pm)
E-mail: info@daycaretrust.org.uk
Website: www.daycaretrust.org.uk
Advises childcare providers, employers, trade unions and policymakers on childcare, and promotes high quality affordable childcare for all.
International Stress Management Association UK (ISMA)
PO Box 348
Waltham Cross EN8 8ZL
Tel: 07000 780430
E-mail: stress@isma.org.uk
Website: www.isma.org.uk
Promotes sound knowledge and best practice in the prevention and reduction of stress and sets professional standards.
Working Families
1-3 Berry Street
London EC1V 0AA
Helpline: 0800 013 0313 (times vary, please call for availability)
Website: www.workingfamilies.org.uk
Aims to change the culture in the workplace to give real freedom of choice and support to people who, for whatever reason, cannot or do not wish to work in traditional patterns.
The Work Foundation
3 Carlton House Terrace
London SW1Y 5DG
Tel: 0870 165 6700
E-mail: contactcentre@theworkfoundation.com
Website: www.theworkfoundation.com
A campaigning organisation which aims to improve working life.
websites
Calmer Karma
www.calmerkarma.org.uk/stress-management-work.html
Contains stress management techniques and tips for those suffering work-related stress.
Consumer Health Information Centre
www.chic.org.uk
Features 'De-stress, not Distress', CHIC's health campaign which is a comprehensive guide to coping with stress.
Employers for Work-life Balance
www.employersforwork-lifebalance.org.uk
An alliance of business leaders who believe that the introduction of work-life policies has benefited their organisation. Aims to share best practice and establish a one-stop shop for employers for information on work-life issues.
Health and Safety Executive Hazards at Work – Stress
www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/stresspk.htm
This site contains HSE leaflets on stress at work, including work-related stress myths and facts, causes, consequences and a guide for employers.
Help with Stress
www.helpwithstress.org
Produced by the International Stress Management Association, this site contains general advice and suggests useful publications and links for those experiencing stress and having trouble juggling conflicting demands in life.
i-Village – Work and Career
www.ivillage.co.uk/workcareer/worklife/archive/0,,204,00.html
A wide range of helpful tips and resources focused on juggling employment and home life.
Mind Tools
www.mindtools.com
Comprehensive website covering problem-solving, improving your memory, mastering stress, time management, goal setting, planning and communication skills.
Work-Life Balance
www.dti.gov.uk/work-lifebalance
Contains details of policies, research and case studies to benefit anyone who wants to create a better balance between work and the rest of their life.
The Work-Life Research Centre
www.workliferesearch.org
Aims to increase understanding and stimulate critical thinking about the relationships between employment, care, family and community. Provides a forum for the exchange of information, research findings, experience, perspectives and practices across a variety of audiences.
reading
Baseline Survey Work-Life Balance 2000 by the Institute for Employment Research, University of Warwick, and IFF Research (2000) free from the Department for Education and Skills |
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Don't Sweat the Small Stuff at Work by Richard Carlson (Hodder & Stoughton General, 1999) |
How to Look after Yourself (Mind, 1999) |
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The Nature and Pattern of Family-friendly Employment Policies in Britain by Shirley Dex and Colin Smith (published for the Joseph Rowntree Foundation by The Policy Press) |
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Teach Yourself Managing Stress by Terry Looker and Olga Gregson (Hodder & Stoughton, 1997) |
Working in Higher Education: The relationship between perceptions of change, working conditions and psychological health, by Gail Kinman, of the University of Luton, and Fiona Jones, of the University of Hertfordshire, for the Association of University Teachers, (2000) free. |
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The Work-Life Manual by Lucy Daniels and Lucy McCarraher (Spiro Press, 2000) |
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(updated November 2002, resources updated May 2005)
