'Someone at work is causing me stress. What can I do?'
|
Q: Someone on my team keeps making fun of my accent. I took it as a joke at first but it has been going on for a while now and it's really getting to me. I did complain to her once but she just said I had no sense of humour. She criticises my work too, saying it won't be good enough for our manager, and she never includes me when she sends e-mail jokes around. Am I just being too sensitive? I dread going to work every day unless I know she is not going to be there. I recently started clenching my teeth together and my boyfriend says I do it at night too. Now my jaw hurts all the time and I'm sure the stress at work is causing it. I want to leave my job but I have only been there 18 months and it wouldn't look good on my CV. Have you got any advice for me? Helen, 23. |
our online advisors reply:
What this person is doing to you, Helen, sounds like straightforward bullying. Your colleague's behaviour is clearly causing you a lot of distress, even to the point where you are considering leaving. I don't think you are being over-sensitive. The things she is doing might seem fairly small on their own, but they are going on regularly and the stress is building up.
Bullying at work is a bigger problem than many people realise. Our feature about bullying in the workplace mentions research that suggested as many as one in six workers have experienced bullying. The article has more information about how to deal with the problem too, along with a list of other sources of help.
You don't say whether you have talked to anybody at work about what is going on, but it would be good to get some support if you can. Is there anyone you trust who you could talk to? If you are a member of a trade union your local representative will be able to help. If your employer has a formal bullying and harassment policy, you might find that there are trained members of staff who can support people experiencing harassment.
I'm wondering how you would feel about discussing this with your manager. In many cases of bullying at work, the bully is actually the person's manager. This is not so in your case and your manager is actually the bully's manager too. It might be possible to talk informally to your boss about the problem and there may be action that they can take.
It can be so hard to start talking to people at work when you are already feeling undermined. I can understand that you might be reluctant to do this. In the end you may have to raise the issue at work but it might help to talk first with someone who is completely uninvolved The Andrea Adams Trust aims to reduce workplace bullying and has a helpline on 01273 704 900 (weekdays, 10am-4pm).
Clenching and grinding your teeth is often related to stress. The medical term for it is bruxism and it can lead to a set of symptoms – including jaw pain – called TMJ syndrome. In long-term cases bruxism can lead to tooth damage or gum problems.
A visit to your dentist would be a good idea. They will be able to check your teeth for signs of wear. In severe cases wearing a gum shield during the night, when you cannot consciously control muscle clenching, may be helpful. Again your dentist will be able to advise you of this.
However, you seem quite certain that your bruxism is caused directly by the stress you are going through. You might find that it stops if you are able to deal with the bullying. In the meantime, finding ways to cope with the stress may help reduce the grinding. Have a look at our feature beat your stress.
Channel 4 is not responsible for the content of third party sites.
