the sex divide: how men and women react under pressure

by Wendy Moore

Britain has had a woman prime minister, a woman as head of the secret service and a woman in space. We may believe we are all equal now. But when it comes to stress – think again.

© stockbyte

Most studies show equal numbers of men and women complain of stress. But that's where equality ends. Experts in the science of stress say that men and women are stressed by different things and they react in different ways.

It's not just that traditional roles persist – so that most working women have more responsibility for the family and home while men are more likely to be focussed on breadwinning. We also think differently too.

So how do men and women react under pressure?

women and stress

Women have always been more up front in talking about the strains of everyday life. Around twice as many women as men see their doctors about anxiety and depression.

But do women really suffer more from stress? Experts in stress-related illness believe that modern life does place more strains on women than men. However, as women often cope better with stress, this tends to even out the stress toll.

why women get stressed

Most women today work. In fact, over the last few decades, the British work force has become increasingly female. As traditionally male jobs were lost in the 1980s, typically female jobs increased. There are now nearly as many women in work (12.5 million at the last count) as men (15.3 million).

Women, therefore, face all the stresses which the modern workplace brings. Yet at the same time, many working women also do the lion's share of childcare, housework and caring for older relatives. About 4.6 million women who work have a child under 18. This means women are coping with strains from several fronts at once.

'In some ways women have greater experience of having to deal with stress,' says Carole Spiers, an occupational stress counsellor. 'Women feel more pressures because they have to be all things to all people.'

a woman's work…

Yet women often cope with lots of demands because they are naturally more 'multi-tasked' – meaning they can manage to do more than one thing at a time, she says. Men often prefer to concentrate on the task in hand.

This difference dates back to prehistoric times, when men had to be single-minded about going out to find food for the family while women coped with more varied tasks, according to Dr Tina Ambury, a GP in Manchester.

As a busy doctor, with young children herself, she can speak from experience. 'My husband finds looking after the children a completely stressful experience. When he does look after them he can't do anything else. It is not that women don't find that stressful but we find ways of coping. We are very good at juggling.'

There are several other reasons women specifically face stress.

pregnancy

Pregnancy can be stressful as women face a barrage of tests, financial worries and uncertainties about what childbirth and motherhood will bring. Research has shown that babies of very anxious mothers tend to be smaller or born earlier and may even suffer development delays. A recent study at one London hospital found the stress hormone cortisol passes from anxious mothers to their unborn babies and may cause these babies to be more prone to stress themselves in later life.

having a new baby

Looking after a new baby is stressful for anyone but more so if you are alone, or have relationship problems with your partner, or are short of money. These pressures can lead to postnatal depression, which one in five mothers suffer. If you think you may have postnatal depression talk to your health visitor or GP.

looking after children

Being a full-time mum is no opt-out. Indeed, one recent survey, cited in a parenting magazine, found that 51% of full-time mothers felt regularly stressed, compared to 29% of women working full-time.

caring for relatives

Caring for elderly or sick relatives – a job which frequently falls to women – can be very stressful. Carers may feel exhausted by a constant stream of repetitive jobs and demands and frustrated at being tied to the home. There are 6.8 million people in Britain caring for disabled or frail elderly friends and relatives and most of them are women, according to the TUC.

bereavement

Any loss can lead to stress, and losing a loved one is especially stressful. Women are more likely to suffer bereavement as they generally live longer than men. A recent US study also found that widows suffer more stress and depression after bereavement than widowers. These symptoms were likely to lead to medical problems such as cancer or heart attack and thoughts of suicide.

women coping with stress

Yet while women may face multiple pressures, they are often better than men at seeking help when it all gets too much.

Women are happy to talk over their feelings with friends or partners, and are more likely to see their GP when they feel anxious or stressed, rather than waiting for a physical problem to develop.

'A woman is more likely to go to the doctor and say "I don't know what's happening,"', says Dr Ambury. 'She is also slightly more open to being told she is not dealing with stress as well as she might. One of the most important things for any person suffering too much stress is getting them to accept that is causing their problem.'

men and stress

You battle for a seat on the early morning train, you are up against deadlines all day, you leave the office late and get home too tired to talk to your partner or the kids. Or maybe you are out of work and spend the day worrying over how the next bill will get paid.

Whether you are in work or out, it is often the traditional role of breadwinner which is the source of stress for most men. And over the last few decades – as society has changed – men seem to have become increasingly vulnerable to stress and other mental health problems.

In most families men are still the main providers. But recent years have brought dramatic changes to the workplace which pile on the pressure.

unemployment

In the 1980s and early 1990s huge numbers of traditionally male jobs were lost, as heavy industries shut down. There was a 17% drop in numbers of men in work and although employment figures have since gone up, many men still face long-term unemployment.

Although lots of jobs are stressful, studies have found that being without a job is the most stressful role of all. Men are more likely than women to experience long-term unemployment.

One in seven men who lose their job develop depression within six months, according to mental health charity Mind. Being unemployed for long periods has also been shown to harm your physical health.

changing roles

Just as men's jobs declined, there was a 12% rise in women in work, as traditionally female jobs increased. For some families this has meant a reversal in the role of breadwinner – bringing tensions and feelings of confusion for many men.

'Stress is not just about having a hyperactive lifestyle,' says Peter Baker, editor of the men's health website, malehealth.co.uk. 'Having no role and being hard-up is very stressful too.'

men at work

Alongside the decline in 'male' industries, work practices in Britain have changed enormously. Many companies have 'downsized' – shedding large numbers of staff – while others have gone in for 'outsourcing' – putting permanent jobs on temporary contracts.

Both these trends have created widespread insecurity at work, both for those directly affected and those who fear they may be next in line.

working longer

Meanwhile, work itself has become more stressful, experts in stress management believe, with the constant attack of technology in the form of e-mails, mobile phone calls and faxes, and the growth of a culture of long hours.

In Britain we work the longest working week in Europe. Men in full-time employment work an average 42 hours compared to 38 for women – although obviously many people work far beyond these averages. Taking the Strain (2000), a survey published by the Chartered Management Institute, revealed that 91% of managers regularly exceeded their contracted hours.

new men?

Alongside these changes has come pressure for men to devote more time to home and family as well as work. So at the end of a long, hard day, men are expected to help out in the kitchen, play with the kids and make intelligent conversation with their partners.

'It is very difficult to work 10 or 12 hours a day, come back and be a perfect Dad and be a perfect partner,' says Peter Baker. 'Something has got to give.'

Yet there is compelling evidence that men's role at home is important to their children's development. Research commissioned from Essex University for the Channel 4 Dispatches programme 'Desperately Seeking Dad' shows:

• Since 1960 men have increased the time they spend with their children at a faster rate than women – although women still spend twice as much time on children's activities.
• Children – especially boys – who spend more time with their fathers do better at school and in later life than those spending less time.
• Boys whose fathers read to them every week score 10% higher in reading tests at age 16 than boys whose fathers don't read with them regularly.
• Boys whose fathers take them on outings most weeks are 18% less likely to get in trouble with the police and 16% less likely to play truant from school than those whose fathers don't take them out regularly.

men coping with stress

Men also react under stress very differently to women. They are less likely to talk about how they feel and less likely to seek help from a doctor or anyone else. Most men only visit their GP when medical symptoms of stress emerge, such as chest pains, headaches and stomach upsets, but some don't even bother to go then.

It all goes back to the way boys are conditioned not to show emotion, says Peter Baker. 'Men have difficulties admitting stress even to themselves.'

escape routes

Rather than try to resolve their stress, he says, they are more likely than women to try to escape by drinking to excess, smoking too much, driving aggressively or resorting to violence.

Although the latest research suggests men are equally likely to suffer from depression as women, they are less likely to be diagnosed by a doctor. And over the last two decades, men have also turned increasingly to suicide. Three-quarters of suicides in the UK are by men, according to Mind.

express yourself

The solution is not easy, says Peter Baker. But it will mean men becoming more willing to acknowledge their stress, to talk about it with friends and family, to express their emotions generally and – importantly – to seek help from a doctor or other professional.

life experiences

the woman's view

Anne, 39, has four sons aged 7 to 14, and works as a school librarian. Each morning she has four lunchboxes and four schoolbags to organise. Most evenings are spent helping with homework, cooking and catching up with housework. She found being a first-time mum, after giving up work, more stressful than juggling her present job and childcare. Now, being organised is the key to coping, and talking to friends a great way to combat stress.

'Everyone wants a piece of me. There just seems like an awful lot to fit in. But I am a very well organised person. I find it easier if I can keep in control of the situation. I keep a very rigid routine for myself and a fairly rigid routine for the children. I have lots of friends at the same stage of tackling work and home and when we meet in the schoolyard we swap stories about who is the most stressed.'

the man's view

Dave, 42, worked recently as an animator on children's programmes when he was often expected to put in 12-hour days and come in on Saturdays and Sundays. It was the culture of the industry that made him conform. He has since left for a less stressful job.

'You live with it for seven or nine months and don't do anything else. You feel stressed out. You wake up and your mind is full of things. You come in and there would be a crisis. I just didn't feel on top of things.'

tackling stress

Once you recognise stress, remedies for tackling it appear to work equally well for men and women. Useful therapies include

• talking to someone – whether a friend, partner or professional counsellor
• taking frequent breaks from work
• breathing or relaxation exercises
• making time for activities you enjoy
• regular exercise

You can find out more in our beat your stress feature and in 'stressbusters' under don't panic. You might also like to check out our features on juggling work and home life and carers and stress.

help and info

Channel 4 is not responsible for the content of third party sites.

organisations

There are several organisations and helplines which offer help aimed specifically at women or men. They include:

Association for Post-Natal Illness
145 Dawes Road
Fulham SW6 7EB
Helpline: 0207 386 0868 (Mon, Wed & Fri 10am-2pm, Tue & Thur 10am-5pm)
Website: www.apni.org
Service for women with postnatal illness, their families, friends and professionals. Offers advice and information. Support is available through a countrywide network of volunteers who all have experience of the illness.

CALM: Campaign against living miserably
Freephone: 0800 58 58 58 (Every day 5pm-3am)
Website: www.thecalmzone.net
Confidential, anonymous freephone helpline aimed at young men aged 15-35 living in Manchester, Merseyside, Cumbria and Bedfordshire who may be feeling low or depressed. Offers telephone counselling and information about other sources of help locally.

Carers UK
20-25 Glasshouse Yard
London EC1A 4JT
Carers' Line: 0808 808 7777 (Wed-Thur 10am-12pm and 2pm-4pm)
E-mail: info@carersuk.org
Website: www.carersuk.org
National voice of carers in the UK. Provides free information and advice on any aspect of caring, including dealing with the stresses, strains and financial problems that caring can bring.

Home-Start
2 Salisbury Road
Leicester LE1 7QR
Info line: 08000 68 63 68
E-mail: info@home-start.org.uk
Website: www.home-start.org.uk
Offers support, guidance and practical help to families with children under five, in their own homes. See the website for further information and details of local schemes.

Mind (National Association for Mental Health)
15-19 Broadway
London E15 4BQ
Tel: 020 8519 2122
Mind Infoline: 0845 766 0163 (Mon-Fri 9.15am-4.15pm)
E-mail: contact@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
Campaigns for better mental health services in England and Wales, through its national office, regional offices and network of over 200 local branches, some of which also provide services. Publishes a range of helpful books and leaflets. Contact them for details of your nearest local group and for more information.

National Childbirth Trust
Alexandra House
Oldham Terrace
London W3 6NH
Enquiry line: 0870 444 8707 (Mon-Thur 9am-5pm, Fri 9am-4pm)
Membership line: 08709 908040
Breastfeeding line: 0870 444 8708 (Every day 8am-10pm)
E-mail: enquiries@national-childbirth-trust.co.uk
Website: www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com
Information and support in pregnancy, childbirth and early parenthood. Can arrange contact with counsellors and/or local and regional support groups, including groups for caesareans and miscarriage. Provides post-natal exercise groups and antenatal teaching. Also produces leaflets and books.

Samaritans
c/o Chris
PO Box 90 90
Stirling FK8 2SA
Helpline: 08457 90 90 90 (24 hours)
E-mail: jo@samaritans.org
Website: www.samaritans.org.uk
The Samaritans exists to provide confidential emotional support to any person, irrespective of race, creed, age or status who is in emotional distress or at risk of suicide; 24 hours a day. Can be contacted by e-mail, telephone, writing, or by visiting one of over 200 local branches (details are on the website).

websites

Male Health
www.malehealth.co.uk
Provides accurate, easy-to-use information and resources about key health problems affecting men. Features tips, advice and details of how men can check their own health and use health professionals more effectively.

Womenkind: the stress-friendly species
www.ivillage.co.uk/workcareer/survive/stress/articles/0,,156473_162212,00.html
An article discussing research that suggests women handle stress better than men. Has links to other stress-related information aimed at women.

(updated November 2002, resources updated May 2005)