'What can I do to make penetration more comfortable?'
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Q: I am in a relationship with a man who, like me, is a virgin. We have tried oral sex and are beginning to get to know each other's bodies. However, when he tries to enter me (we are using condoms) it is extremely uncomfortable, bordering on painful. Is it because his penis is too big (he is six or seven inches when erect)? He can get the head of his penis in the entrance of my vagina easily, but if he goes any further it hurts and I ask him to stop, which he is happy to do. Are there any positions that would make it easier for us both, or is there anything I can do to make penetration more comfortable? Abi, 22. |
our online advisors reply:
To take the simplest part of your question first, the size of your boyfriend's penis is not likely to be the cause of the problem. He is slightly bigger than average, but don't forget the vagina is designed to stretch enough to allow a baby to be born. The rest of what you ask is a bit harder to answer because there are a number of different reasons why women experience painful sex.
Firstly, you say that you are a virgin, so it could be that your hymen has not broken yet. The hymen is a layer of skin across the vagina, which is stretched or broken during first intercourse. For some women, but not all, this can be painful. Sometimes the hymen is already broken before first sex either during sports or from inserting a finger or tampon.
Another common cause of pain comes from trying to insert the penis before your vagina is fully lubricated. As a woman become aroused her vagina secretes a lubricating fluid, which makes it easier for the penis to penetrate. You could try increasing the amount of time you spend hugging, kissing and exploring each other's bodies before your boyfriend tries to enter you. It might also help to use a sexual lubricant – but make sure it's a water-based one, such as KY jelly. Don't use oil-based lubricants like Vaseline or baby oil because they will damage the condom.
Feeling tense can make things difficult too, and can create a vicious circle. If you are expecting pain you may well tense up, which just makes the pain more likely. You ask about different sexual positions and this can help some people. Have you tried being on top? You might find that this gives you more control over penetration and helps you feel more relaxed.
It sounds like your boyfriend is quite sympathetic to your pain, Abi. This is great because, if it's just a question of you not being relaxed or aroused enough, he has an important part to play in the solution. Being willing to take things slowly and spending lots of time on foreplay will go a long way to helping you get turned on enough for full intercourse.
You can find out more about the causes of painful sex, and what can be done about it, in our feature called not tonight.
These are not the only possible causes for the discomfort you are experiencing. There are some medical problems that result in vaginal pain during sex. If my suggestions don't solve the problem for you, I'd suggest a visit to the doctor. You could visit your GP or, if you prefer, make an appointment at a family planning clinic. Some women find that the doctors at specialist clinics are more experienced at helping with painful intercourse. You can find your nearest clinic at www.ssha.info/public/clinics/locations.asp or www.multimap.com/clients/places.cgi?client=fpa2.
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