king of the swingers?

by Harriet Yudkin and Jamie Dibdin

king of the swingers? | so where's the catch? | taking it further - what do I need to consider? | help and info

so where's the catch?

Depending on your level of self esteem and trust in your partner, swinging could be fertile ground for jealousy and feeling threatened. If you are not secure in your partner's attraction to you, seeing them attracted to and turned on by another person could be devastating. Similarly, the opportunity to see lots of other people without clothes on and having sex may not be as much of a turn on if you are insecure about your own body or sexual technique and can't help but compare yourself unfavourably with others. Your self esteem would need to be able to cope with the constant possibility of rejection. Everyone has different tastes – could you cope with not fitting theirs?

swings and roundabouts

With all the potential positives of a swinging relationship, there are always the flip sides. Entering a swinging situation could decrease the level of intimacy between you and your partner, with each of you having some of your needs fulfilled outside the relationship, so possibly distancing you emotionally. The flip side of a relationship based on truth and openness might be that the very honesty you value is too painful and destructive to hear.

Other possible difficulties could occur where there is a real mismatch in who holds the power in the relationship, for example when swinging is what one partner wants and the other goes along with it to please them, or if one is more into it than the other and puts pressure on to continue the lifestyle.

Harriet Yudkin is a sexual health promotion specialist
Jamie Dibdin is a clinical psychologist