the new rules of sex and sexual fantasy
by Harriet Yudkin and Jamie Dibdin
the new rules of sex and sexual fantasy | should you make your sexual fantasies a reality? | what if my sexual fantasies are wrong or illegal? | top tips | help and info
Sexual fantasies are a normal and natural expression of desire. Everyone has them; some may be more vivid or unusual than others. Sexual fantasies are everyone's right and, perhaps for some, a necessity.
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Sexual fantasies can be a way of working out experiences you have had in real life. They are also a way of thinking about sexual things you may wish would happen, which can be a great way of escaping from reality and indulging in your most exciting dreams. Very often people's sexual fantasies are private worlds that they do not share with anyone else. Private sexual fantasies can make solo sex or masturbation more powerful and enjoyable as in our minds we can be anyone in any situation. In our fantasies the sky is not the limit!
where do our sexual fantasies come from?
People can get their fantasies from real experiences that they change to fit their own taste and desires, like fantasising about a recent sexual encounter, or one you would like to happen. Or they might go the full tilt and dream of situations far from their reality.
Sometimes our fantasies seem to pop up from nowhere; these may come from our unconscious mind.
Some people's sexual fantasies are borrowed images from films, books or stories that they have heard or read. Just because you have 'borrowed' your fantasy this does not make it any the less powerful and important. What is valuable is that you find it exciting.
Sexual fantasies are important in helping to heighten your pleasure when you are on your own or with your partner, for example pretending that you are having sex with your favourite celebrity!
Fantasising about things can be an excellent means of escape from the reality of the world. We know that people in hostage situations have created the most intricate and amazing fantasies on many topics.
Only you can decide if your sexual fantasies are actually a coping mechanism for dealing with a real-life relationship that is unsatisfactory, or even one that is hurtful to you.
The reason sexual fantasies are so powerful may be because they are private and personal to the person who is making them up. What should you consider if you are to make them real?
Harriet Yudkin is a sexual health adviser
Jamie Dibdin is a clinical psychologist
(October 2003, resources updated February 2005)
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