sex, men, and the working girl

The well-worn cliché calls it 'the oldest profession' and there is plenty of historical and archaeological evidence that men have been paying for sex for thousands of years. Prostitution may not be the very oldest way for women to earn a living, but it's not easy to think of a female career option that's been around longer.

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It's virtually impossible to get reliable information about the numbers of people involved – understandable given the shaky legal position of the working girl, and society's general attitude to sex workers. Finding out how many men visit prostitutes is just as tricky.

However, the Independent newspaper reported in 2002 on some research that had been carried out by the universities of East Anglia and Manchester into the amounts of money spent by prostitutes' clients. The report estimated that the annual spend in the UK is a whopping £770 million pounds.

The research also found that the average price of a session was £50. A bit of simple arithmetic points to over 42,000 visits to working girls every day.

No doubt many of the men who pay for sex are perfectly happy with the exchange, but for some the transaction is not as simple as it might seem. This is true for most of the men who posted questions to our 'just ask' service in the past. Read their questions, and the advice given by our advisors, below.

easier to pay?

One common reason men gave for having sex with prostitutes was a problem with finding a girlfriend.

For 26-year-old Gareth the difficulty seemed to stem from his shyness in the company of women. Our 'just ask' advisor was able to offer some suggestions for building his confidence.

Another, older, man had been through a divorce and was considering visiting a prostitute after a long period without a sexual partner. But he was worried about the risks involved.

too risky?

Concern about the risk of picking up a sexually transmitted infection (STI) is probably the most common issue in questions about having sex with a prostitute.

Tom, 17, was worried that a blow job from a prostitute might have put him at risk of STIs.

Anthony had seen several prostitutes and, although he had always used a condom, he too was concerned about STIs. He was particularly worried about HIV.

paying away

Some men have their first – perhaps only – experience of paying for sex while they are abroad. We've answered a number of questions from men about prostitution in perhaps the most well-known European destination for the sex tourist – Amsterdam. Once again the main worry is the risk of STIs.

22-year-old Craig was worried for a friend of his whose partner had visited a prostitute in Amsterdam. He had been told that sex workers in The Netherlands are forced to have regular screening for STIs.

One young man seemed overwhelmed by the fear that an encounter with a prostitute in Amsterdam, three years before, might have left him with HIV.

the other half

These last two questions touch on the effect that a visit to a working girl can have on the client's other relationships. Nearly all of the questions from women have been about their feelings on finding out what their boyfriend has been up to.

Catherine, 18, is having trouble trusting her boyfriend after finding out that he had visited a prostitute early on in their relationship.

Lorna and her boyfriend had been together for three years when she found out he had paid for sex. One thing she is struggling with is the fact that he does not seem to take her feelings seriously.

help and info

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organisations

All Women Count (incorporating The English Collective of Prostitutes)
PO Box 287
London NW6 5QU
Tel: 020 7482 2496
E-mail: allwomencount@crossroadswomen.net
Website: www.allwomencount.net
Resources and support for women of any background, profession, race or sexual orientation.

Brook
421 Highgate Studios
53-79 Highgate Road
London NW5 1TL
Helpline: 0800 0185 023 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
E-mail: admin@brookcentres.org.uk
Website: www.brook.org.uk
Provides free and confidential sexual health advice and contraception for anyone under 25. The website has tons of useful information including a secure on-line enquiry service and a text messaging service.

ChildLine
Freepost 1111
London N1 0BR
Helpline: 0800 11 11 (24 hours)
Textphone: 0800 400 222
Website: www.childline.org.uk
UK's free, 24-hour helpline for children and young people. Trained volunteer counsellors provide comfort, advice and protection. Lines can be busy so please try again if you don't get through the first time. As well as the main helpline number above, ChildLine also run The Line which is a special helpline for any young person living away from home (e.g. if you live in a foster home or a children's home, if you're at boarding school or you've been in hospital for a long time). You can call The Line on 0800 88 44 44 from 3.30pm to 9.30pm on weekdays and 2pm to 8pm at weekends.

Get Connected
Tel: 0808 808 4994 (every day, 1pm-11pm)
E-mail: help@getconnected.org.uk
Website: www.getconnected.org.uk
Free UK wide, email and telephone helpline that finds young people the best help whatever their situation. Connects vulnerable young people under 25, particularly young runaways, to services across the UK which can help.

International Union of Sex Workers
PO Box 27465
London SW2 1YA
Tel: 07956 658223
E-mail: info@iusw.org
Website: www.iusw.org
Organisation campaining for the decriminalisation of all aspects of sex work involving consenting adults. Offers legal support for sex workers who want to sue those who exploit their labour, access to health clinics and to training.

POW Prostitute Outreach Workers
Tel: 0115 9249992 (advice and support)
Tel: 0115 9249993 (administration)
E-mail: sonia@pow-advice.co.uk
Website: www.pow-advice.co.uk
Provides a free, comprehensive, confidential, drop-in and outreach service to those involved, at risk of becoming involved or wishing to exit from prostitution and drug misuse. Services offered include delivery of condoms, provision of information and advice, and telephone support. The project is based in Nottingham but their services are also available to the wider community, particularly those affected by issues of prostitution.

Rape Crisis Federation (maintained by Truth About Rape Campaign)
The Pankhurst Centre
Department 5
60-62 Nelson Street
Manchester M13 9WP
Helplines: individual helpline numbers listed by region on the website.
E-mail: info@rapecrisis.org.uk (please check the website for the information you need before e-mailing)
Website: www.rapecrisis.co.uk
Can refer anyone who has been raped or sexually abused, and their families, friends and partners, to their nearest Rape Crisis Centre for advice, information and counselling.

Relate
Herbert Gray College
Little Church Street
Rugby CV21 3AP
Tel: 0845 456 1310 (to find your nearest Relate)
Relateline: 0845 130 4010 (Mon-Fri 9.30am-4pm)
Relate Direct appointments line: 0845 130 4016 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
E-mail: enquiries@relate.org.uk
Website: www.relate.org.uk
The largest relationship counselling organisation in the UK. Offers counselling, psychosexual therapy, and other services to help those experiencing difficulties in any adult couple relationship. Some branches of Relate offer individual counselling to young people. Relateline is for couples experiencing emotional crisis who wish to talk things through with an experienced Relate counsellor. Relate Direct is a telephone counselling service (see website for more details, including costs).

Sexual Health Line
Tel: 0800 567 123 (24 hours)
Textphone: 0800 521 361
Gives confidential advice and information about STIs or any other aspect of sexual health. Can also tell you where to find local sexual health services.

SupportLine
Tel: 020 8554 9004 (opening hours vary, please ring for details)
E-mail: info@supportline.org.uk
Website: www.supportline.org.uk
A confidential telephone helpline offering emotional support to any individual on any issue. SupportLine will enable the caller to talk over his/her feelings with a helpline worker who offers non-judgmental, caring, empathic support. The helpline is primarily a preventative service and aims to support people before they reach the point of crisis. It is particularly aimed at those who are socially isolated, vulnerable, at risk groups and victims of any form of abuse.

websites

The Home Office
www.homeoffice.gov.uk/docs3/paying_the_price.pdf
Paying the Price: A Consulation Paper on Prostitution

British Humanist Association
www.humanism.org.uk/site/cms/contentViewArticle.asp?article=1822
A response from the BHA to the above prostitution consultation paper.

Fifty Tips for Prostitutes
www.sfc.org.uk/docs/protips.htm
Article from the Sexual Freedom Coalition website offering helpful hints for the working person.

Recommendations for Political Policy on Prostitution and the Sex Industry
www.iusw.org/policy/index.html
Recommendations compiled in answer to the Green Party's request for advice for the formation of a new policy on prostitution and the sex industry.

Sex and Slavery
http://observer.guardian.co.uk/ ..
Observer article from 2003 reporting on estimates that 10,000 illegal immigrants are working as prostitutes in Britain today.

Street wiser
http://society.guardian.co.uk/ ..
Guardian feature about an innovative scheme in Sheffield to help prostitutes quit the game.

Society of Sexual Health Advisors
www.ssha.info/public/index.asp
Provides information on sexually transmitted infections and related conditions and provides sources of help and support.

(September 2002, resources updated February 2005)