the thrill of sexual fantasy
by John Illman
Most people have sexual fantasies; yet few people talk about them, either to their partners or to anyone else. A story by Nancy Friday, author of My Secret Garden: Women's sexual fantasies, explains why. She confided to her partner that while making love to him, she had been fantasying about the legendary footballer George Best. Visualising the sleek, elegant Irishman dancing down the wing in his red Man U shirt made her wild with excitement.
© Getty
How did her partner react? 'He got out of bed, put on his trousers and went home.'
Avoiding a reaction like this is not the only reason why people keep their fantasies to themselves. Sexual fantasies may involve having sex in a public place or with a friend's partner – or even violence and rape. Women may have 'fantasy sex' with several men at once, while men's fantasies may show an inclination towards the extremes of virgins or prostitutes.
fantasy and guilt
Fantasies can provoke guilt or fear. For example, a woman who 'dreams' about making love to another woman may fear she is a lesbian, while a man who 'dreams' about a prostitute may feel he is betraying his wife.
Some people convince themselves that they may act out such fantasies in real life – or even that they are mentally ill. But the world famous Kinsey Institute, in the US, which pioneered academic research into sexual behaviour more than 50 years ago, says: 'It is easy to understand why some people might feel guilt and concern about their fantasies. Nevertheless, having any particular fantasy is, by itself, generally not seen as an indication that a person has a psychological problem or personality disorder'.
(updated November 2002, resources updated February 2005)
