not-so addicted to love
not-so addicted to love | Russell's story | Clare's story | help and info
by Ben Whittacker-Cook
Clare's story
Russell's wife, Clare, also 30, has struggled to come to terms with his addiction. 'The effect on our relationship has been shattering. I have lost my self-worth, I no longer see myself as attractive and I feel emotionally and physically rejected. We have had sex three times in the past two years. I had no clue he was a sex addict until he broke down in tears one day and told me. I suspected he was having an affair. But nothing prepared me for what he had to tell me. I just couldn't take the lying and the deceit.'
treatment
Because sex addiction is not recognised as a specific disorder in psychiatric terms, there is no standard method of treatment.
Many British sex advisory centres offer nationwide counselling programmes for sex addiction, which range from weekly counselling services to intensive residential programmes. For people like Russell, treatment in its simplest terms starts by encouraging sufferers to learn to stick to one partner and only take part in ordinary forms of sex. Unlike treatment for drug or alcohol addictions, recovery from sex addiction does not usually require complete abstinence, although some recovery plans encourage strictly defined boundaries such as 'no pornography or masturbation' or 'no sexual activity out of committed relationships'.
the recovery process
Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) started in this country in 1991 and there are twelve SA groups around the UK helping sex addicts confront and conquer their addiction (see help and info). Recovery starts with the original Twelve Steps programme favoured by Alcoholics Anonymous. Members meet regularly and draw strength from those with shared experiences.
As Russell explains, 'like all other addictions, it looks absolutely hopeless when you hit rock bottom. It's an unrecognised addiction with no set cure. But there is hope. You really do have to take one day at a time. I have to win back Clare's trust. We are getting through it slowly, but we're going to make it.'
(November 2005)
