not-so addicted to love
not-so addicted to love | Russell's story | Clare's story | help and info
by Ben Whittacker-Cook
Russell's story
That's what happened to Russell. He is 30, married, and is a sex addict. 'Every week was the same. I would play rugby on a Sunday morning, meet this woman after the game at the same car park and then have sex in my car. Yet the intensity and excitement would begin when I packed my kitbag on Saturday night. It sounds bizarre but I got sexually excited cleaning my boots the day before, because I knew what was to come the next day. It wasn't about who I was meeting or how I felt about her or anything. There was no love. She was just a means to an end. A supplier almost.
'My path to addiction is probably a therapist's dream. I racked up a huge bill ringing phone sex lines. Then I spent hours on the internet at home looking at pornography. Before too long I was entering chat rooms and meeting women for sex. It was very gradual, but I still had no idea what I was getting into, or what I was doing to my wife.'
addicted or not?
The phrase 'sex addiction' was first coined in the USA in the early 1970s. High profile cases such as those of actors Rob Lowe and Michael Douglas have helped raise awareness about the problem of sex addiction. Like any other addiction, it requires treatment and counselling, but a key issue for healthcare professionals is qualifying who or what is a sex addict. On this side of the Atlantic there are no accurate statistics for the number of sex addicts, but cases like that of Russell's are becoming more and more common.
Sex addiction 'ticks all the right boxes' when it comes to defining an addict. A sex addict will take more and more risks to get their fix. In the case of the sex addict, this could involve downloading pornography at work or having sex in public places. Sex addicts become preoccupied by sex, despite a desire to stop and despite negative effects on their health, relationships and work.
Theories on the causes of sex addiction are still in their infancy, although American sex therapist Dr Doug Weiss believes that 80 per cent of sex addicts were abused when they were younger. Previous emotional neglect is often seen as a key factor and as a result, sexual behaviour becomes a primary way of coping. Some sex addicts may also have had alcohol or drug related problems.
(November 2005)
