not-so addicted to love
not-so addicted to love | Russell's story | Clare's story | help and info
by Ben Whittacker-Cook
Like drugs, alcohol and even gambling, sex can become addictive. The least understood of all the addictions, it can be just as powerful and just as destructive, wrecking families and friendships and destroying lives.
The myths surrounding sex addiction can make it difficult to understand. Sex addiction should not be confused with individuals who have a high sex drive, a sexual perversion or who just enjoy a lot of sex. According to volume IV of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders, sex addiction involves 'compulsive searching for multiple partners, compulsive fixation on an unattainable partner, compulsive masturbation, compulsive love relationships or compulsive sexuality in a relationship.' It is not the sexual activity itself which defines the addiction; it is how the addict feels about it and how it comes to overwhelm and damage their life.
Achieving sexual gratification for a sex addict is like alcohol to an alcoholic, and as with any other addiction, the sex addict gradually moves away from what is classed as 'normal behaviour'. The addict finds it harder and harder to control their addiction and regulate their behaviour and views himself or herself as an object merely having sex with another object. No intimacy is built and no friendship or trust is formed. Behaviour becomes obsessive, repetitive and habitual; achieving 'the fix' often begins way before the sex act.
(November 2005)
