'Why hasn't my boyfriend talked about sex with me?'

our online advisors reply:

There can be a huge amount of pressure on young people to have sex, or at least talk about having it. You've experienced that pressure in previous relationships and it's great that you've been able to resist it and stick to what you want.

You seem quite confused that the same pressure is not there with your new boyfriend. The fact that he hasn't talked about sex doesn't mean that there is anything wrong. One possible explanation is that he doesn't feel ready for a sexual relationship either. You've made that decision for yourself, isn't it possible that he could have done the same? You say that you are wary of bringing up the subject with him. Perhaps he is just as uncertain about talking about sex as you are?

There are other possibilities too. Perhaps he feels it is too soon to be thinking about sex when you have been together only a few months. Do you think it's possible that he is more interested in getting to know you as a person rather than just a potential sexual partner? It could be that he is avoiding the subject out of respect for your age. After all, it is against the law to have sex in the UK before you are 16.

Whatever I suggest can only be guesswork because the only way to find out how he feels about sex is to talk to him, when you feel the time is right. It can be quite difficult to do this at first, but it can often help build up the trust between you and deepen your relationship. It doesn't have to sound pushy on your part – talking about sex and your feelings isn't the same thing as saying you want to have sex. Our article, talking about sex, has useful advice about improving communication in this area.

If you do decide to talk to him about this, try to concentrate on your own thoughts and feelings and then listen to what he has to say. You might find this more productive than just asking him if he is a virgin. If he is nervous talking about sex, asking him straight out could make it even more difficult for him.

It might help for you to have a chat with someone about this. Have you heard of Sexwise? It's a confidential helpline for people under 19 and gives advice on sex and relationships. The number is 0800 28 29 30 and you can call any time between 7am and midnight.

It sounds like this relationship is going really well, Katy. I don't think you need to be concerned about your boyfriend not asking you for sex. Just because your previous boyfriends put pressure on you it doesn't mean that all lads are like that. It's worth remembering that most lads don't have sex until they are at least 16, whatever they might tell their girlfriends, or their mates.

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