'I've never kissed a girl and I feel worthless. What can I do?'

our online advisors reply:

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling unwanted and depressed because, so far, you haven't had much luck with girls. Although you currently feel undesirable and unloved keep in mind that you aren't the only one ever to feel this way and, though it might not bring you much comfort, try to remember that people do start dating at different ages.

You sound like a thoughtful young man and, as you point out, you are fine with blokes, are funny, and consider yourself ok-looking. This suggests you just don't realise how much you've got going for you because all of your thoughts are focused on the fact that you haven't yet 'pulled'.

Don't feel embarrassed about talking to people you trust about the way you feel. I'm sure your family and friends will have no trouble reassuring you about your good qualities, even if it doesn't always help much to know that our mum thinks we're special, if the person we fancy doesn't. A point to remember is that if you feel undesirable, worthless and desperate for a girlfriend, then people may pick up on these vibes and be put off.

You don't mention whether you actually have any female friends. It might seem obvious, but it could be a good starting point to get to know girls as friends. You are obviously liked by your male friends, so why not add some female friends to your social circle?

You say you go to clubs where 'pulling' is supposed to be easy, however there are other ways to meet girls, and people in general. Places with a lot less pressure attached to them.

Are there any groups or activities going at your college or work? If not you could try looking in your local paper or library for details of clubs, organisations or events that interest you. By getting involved in these you will be able to widen your group of friends and gain more confidence.

Additionally, you could have a look at an article on our site called chatting up. Don't be put off by the fact that it appears to be aimed at younger people – it's full of useful tips on how to approach someone you fancy. You can also read about useful ways to build up your personal confidence by looking at the self-esteem factsheets at www.thesite.org.

When you are feeling down you might like to have a chat with someone at CALM on 0800 58 58 58 (5pm to 3am). This is a free and confidential helpline for young men feeling unhappy or depressed. It's also for those wanting to sound off about the stresses of everyday life but who find it difficult to talk things over with people they know.

You can always speak to someone at the Samaritans by calling 08457 90 90 90. They provide confidential emotional support, 24 hours a day, for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair. You can also email them at jo@samaritans.org.

I know it's easier said than done, Del, but it might help to try shifting your energies from constantly wanting to get a girlfriend onto concentrating on feeling better about yourself. Hang out with your mates, go out clubbing (but not with the sole intention of pulling!), find a new hobby, keep busy and have fun. Before you know it you will probably find that all these great experiences will soon include great experiences with girls.

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