'I don't know how to go about sex with another guy. Can you help?'
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Q: I'm bisexual and am comfortable with it, but I have only had one former sexual experience. My boyfriend is a schoolmate and all we've done is give each other oral sex. We've both decided to take the plunge and have anal intercourse, him being on the receiving end because I don't feel up to taking, but have no problem with giving. The thing is, I don't know what to do, or even how to go about it, or prepare. I know everything about condoms, but that's all when it comes to this situation. Could you advise me on what to do etc? Thanks. Patrick, 16. |
our online advisors reply:
Thanks for your question, Patrick. Anal sex is not a necessity for having a sexual relationship with another male – it is a personal preference. It is important that you are both ready for any sexual activity you perform or it will not be enjoyable.
Anal intercourse can carry a high risk of transmitting sexual infections, and the added risk of picking up bacteria from the bowel. It's good that you are aware of the importance of using a condom. Most sexual health experts suggest using extra-strong condoms for anal sex. In fact, recent research has shown that using plenty of water-based lubrication (such as KY jelly) is even more important in avoiding the condom breaking. The lube should be applied all over the outside (never inside) of the condom, and around the anus too.
AVERT has some excellent advice on using condoms for anal sex on its website www.avert.org/ygmt5.htm.
The tissue of the anus is very delicate and can tear easily, so it is important to be gentle. Listening to your friend will be really important, so that you don't get carried away too quickly and force him before he is ready. One way of trying to make it more comfortable for your partner is to have him sitting astride you so that he can control the pace of the penetration.
It may well be very nerve-wracking for both of you. Doing something for the first time means you won't start as an expert, so don't put pressure on yourself to know exactly what to do. It could be difficult for your boyfriend too – taking a penis inside your anus is not always easy, particularly the first time. If it gets difficult, it will really help if you are both happy to stop and do something else instead. You can always try again another time.
For an article about anal play and a discussion of the risks and techniques in more detail, go to GayHealth: Things you can do.
You don't say how old your boyfriend is, but I do have to remind you that it is against the law for you to have any kind of sex with someone below the age of consent, which is 16 in the UK (17 in Northern Ireland).
Finally, if you haven't read the gay/lesbian/bisexual articles in our sex section, you might find some interesting articles. There is one feature specifically about being bisexual.
I hope this helps, Patrick. Good luck.
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