don't panic

1. if you think you might be pregnant
2. unusual discharges
3. genital warts
4. impotence
5. irregular periods
6. bleeding between periods
7. coming together
8. feeling under pressure
9. if you don't enjoy sex at first
10. you think you're gay or lesbian

1. If you think you might be pregnant

If your period is late, it may be quite normal and nothing to worry about (see irregular periods). But if you are concerned that you might be pregnant, the sooner you find out for sure the better, rather than thinking: 'It could never happen to me'. Prompt action will save unnecessary worry if you're not pregnant – and give you more time to act if you are.

If you've had unprotected sex within the last five days, or think that your contraception might have failed (like a condom splitting or missing a pill), emergency contraception can usually prevent a pregnancy. There are two types of emergency contraception available:

emergency contraceptive pills

You must start these within 72 hours (three days) of unprotected sex, but they are more effective the sooner you take them (they are sometimes known as the 'morning after pill', but this is misleading because you can take them up to three days after sex). They are available free from:

• any GP who provides contraceptive services
• family planning clinics
• some sexual health clinics
• young people's or Brook clinics
• some Hospital Accident & Emergency departments and NHS walk-in centres – phone to check first.

Pharmacies: Emergency contraceptive pills are also available direct from pharmacies if you're over 16 – but at a cost of around £25. However, some areas have schemes where you can get them free from certain pharmacies, so check with your local family planning clinic or call Sexwise (0800 28 29 30), or the fpa's Contraceptive Education Service helpline (0845 310 1334) or NHS Direct, in England and Wales (0845 46 47) for more information on where to get emergency contraception on the NHS.

Emergency contraception is safe, the treatment is confidential and there is no time limit to the number of times you can take it. You can take it twice in one cycle. But remember it is not as effective as using other methods of contraception regularly.

an IUD

An IUD – or intrauterine device – must be fitted within five days of unprotected sex. It should be put in by a specially trained doctor or nurse at either a family planning clinic, young people's clinic or possibly by your GP.

For more details about where to go, see our feature on morning after the night before.

facing difficult decisions

If it's too late for emergency contraception, you'll need a pregnancy test. These are also available free of charge from most of the places listed above. You can also obtain them from pharmacies – but again you'll have to pay (around £8-12.

About one in three pregnancies is unplanned and, in one in five pregnancies, the woman opts for abortion. It can be a difficult choice to make and can sometimes be a very emotional experience.

Talking to people you can trust and obtaining accurate information can help. See your GP or go direct to a family planning or sexual health clinic for an NHS abortion. You also get an abortion privately: current costs start from around £350. See the facts about abortion.

The legal time limit for an abortion is up to 24 weeks. It is safer when it is carried out in early pregnancy. Most abortions are carried out before 13 weeks and almost all before 20 weeks (weeks of pregnancy are calculated from the first day of the last normal period.)

2. Unusual discharges

Most women usually have a discharge from their vagina, which is like a whitish stain in your knickers and is completely natural. However, if you notice any change in your usual discharge, it may be a sign of an infection, so it's best to seek advice.

A discharge from the penis, however, is more unusual and is usually a sign of an infection.

Common infections, such as thrush, urethritis, chlamydia and bacterial vaginosis can all be treated. But ignoring them could lead to further complications – for example, untreated chlamydia can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease and even infertility (when you can't have a baby) and can cause problems for men, too.

Treatment for most infections is simple – your GP may be able to treat them, or you could go to your nearest sexual health clinic (sometimes called a 'GUM' or 'STD' clinic) or young people's clinic. The service is free and confidential. For details of a clinic in your area, see www.ssha.info/clinics/locate.htm or look in your local telephone directory under 'clinics'.

To find out more, you might like to check out our features on sexually transmitted infections, what happens at a sexual health clinic and chlamydia: sexual health enemy number one.

3. Genital warts

If you think you may have genital warts on your penis or vagina, (they are usually smallish lumps around the base of the penis or around the opening of the vagina), see your GP or go to your nearest sexual health clinic (as above).

Genital warts are caused by a virus, which can't be cured, but the warts themselves can be easily treated to get rid of them. They can easily be passed on during sexual activity – using a condom can reduce the risk of passing them on, as well as avoiding sex while you have an outbreak of warts.

Check out our features on sexually transmitted infections to find out more.

4. Impotence

Impotence – or problems with getting or maintaining an erection – affects most men at some time. This is not usually a cause for concern – in fact it is often the worry itself that causes the problem! Things like having too much alcohol or the worry of starting a new sexual relationship can affect your ability to get an erection or keep it up, as can stress and worry.

Often, men worry about how they will perform sexually, and feel that they need to keep an erection for hours on end to be a good lover. This is not the case – try talking to your partner about your worries, as this may help.

If the problem persists, and you can't stop worrying about it, you could go and see your doctor. If the doctor feels it is necessary, there are now very good treatments for impotence and, even if you do need treatment, it won't necessarily be for life. Another important reason for seeking medical advice is that impotence may indicate a circulatory problem – which may be a warning sign of cardiovascular problems – so it would be good to get it checked out.

For more information, check out new treatments for impotence.

5. Irregular periods

Many women experience irregular periods, particularly when they first start their periods. Periods may be completely unpredictable until a young woman ovulates regularly. Periods of light to heavy bleeding may be followed by no periods for two or three months at a time. It may take up to three years for things to settle down.

In later life, a woman will also have increasingly infrequent periods as she approaches the menopause.

Things like stress, losing lots of weight, travel and disruption to your routine can also cause irregular periods.

If your period is late, it could be due to these reasons, so worrying about it may delay it even further. However, it could be a sign of pregnancy (see If you think you might be pregnant above). If you usually have regular periods, have not been sexually active, and miss your period for more than three months, you should go to your GP for advice.

6. Bleeding between periods

Spotting or bleeding between periods should always be investigated by your GP. The majority of cases are not serious and may be due to hormone changes especially around the menopause, but they can indicate other gynaecological problems, so it's important to seek advice.

7. Coming together

Many couples worry if they do not experience simultaneous orgasm or 'come together'. But coming together isn't necessary in order to have a good and enjoyable sex life. Love-making doesn't have to be synchronized like a machine and remember, it's not the movies! It's true that for some couples, simultaneous orgasm marks the peak of sexual satisfaction. But others find greater satisfaction in experiencing their own and their partner's climax separately.

8. Feeling under pressure

Don't be pressurised into having sex for the first time before you're really ready. Young people are often made to feel boring, immature and unattractive if they do not become sexually active. It's true that people do start having sex younger these days but, on average, it actually occurs a good deal later than most people imagine.

The most recent National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles reported that a quarter of women and nearly a third of men have sex before the age of 16. But this still means that the vast majority – three-quarters of women and two-thirds of men – do not.

Research also suggests that people who delay losing their virginity until their late teens are more likely to have an enjoyable and memorable experience. Their decisions are more likely to be based on feelings of love and romance.

9. If you don't enjoy sex at first

Sex is like a lot of things in life – it tends to get better with time and practice. But we expect a lot more today than our grandparents did. This is creating a new kind of pressure on people to perform – especially on people who are starting out. It can even make sex feel more like work than pleasure. Because no two couples are alike, good sex is often a matter of trial and error.

As a first step towards good sex, we all need to find out what our partners really like. A good lover is not just someone who knows what to do – but what to ask too. Sex is about talking as well as doing. Sexual technique is clearly important, but it's not everything. We're not machines programmed to reach orgasm at the touch of a button, but individuals, each with our own emotional needs and wants. Be sure that what you are doing sexually is something you are happy doing, and that you are not being pressured into things you are not comfortable with.

10. You think you're gay or lesbian

It is common for both boys and girls to ask themselves if they are gay and to wonder about their own sexuality. But it is only through the slow process of sexual development that an individual learns and recognizes his or her sexual preferences.

Being gay, lesbian or bisexual is not a disorder or an abnormality; like heterosexuality, they are legitimate sexual identities. But there are no universal guidelines to identify heterosexual, gay, lesbian or bisexual identities. They are just words that we use to define our own – or others' – sexual identities and you don't have to use these words to describe your sexual orientation if you don't want to.

It's worth remembering that, while some people are sure they're gay from an early age, others only discover it later in life. Teenage sexual experimentation is common and a few casual encounters with someone of the same sex would not necessarily mean you are gay – even if it included kissing and perhaps masturbation. Also, fantasising about someone of the same sex doesn't necessarily mean you are gay.

There's no right way to work out exactly what your feelings are, just try to be patient and pay attention to your feelings and sexual urges and eventually you will be able to work it out for yourself.

For more help with these issues, see the articles coming out: do you think you might be gay? which has a great list of websites, further reading and organisations that can offer help and support, and girls who like boys… and girls: being bisexual.

Boys often worry that they may be gay if they are still virgins at the age of 18. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at any age – male or female.