suicidal feelings
by Sally Burningham
There are many different reasons why people feel suicidal. Quite often there may be a number of contributory factors such as past experiences as well as present stresses. These, of course, will vary from person to person.
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The intensity and duration of suicidal feelings also vary among different people and even in the same person at different times. Some people may have a very strong wish for death, either because they are very depressed or the future seems quite hopeless. Others may have more mixed feelings. They may see suicide as an answer to an intolerable situation, although they would not choose to die if they could find an alternative. And there are those who experience suicidal feelings that come and go but which usually seem under control. However, it is important to remember that any suicidal feelings can be life threatening, given certain circumstances.
If you yourself have been thinking about suicide and feel scared that you may act on these feelings it is important to get appropriate help or support from someone who understands what you are going through. See your GP as soon as possible and explain your feelings or phone a helpline or make e-mail contact with an organisation such as The Samaritans. For details see help and info and the box how The Samaritans can help in this feature. It may also be a relief to talk to a close friend or relative whom you trust.
For some facts and figures on suicide and attempted suicide and hints on what to do if someone is suicidal, look at the feature on facts and figures. You may also like to read the feature on stress and suicide on our stress site.
importance of listening
If you suspect that someone close to you is feeling suicidal, you will no doubt be feeling anxious and distressed and wondering what you should do. Although it can be very upsetting to hear someone describe their desperation, encouraging them to talk and listening is often the best kind of help you can give. Talking openly about suicide won't make it more likely to occur.
You may find the following suggestions helpful.
- Listen, with your full attention, without giving advice or making judgements.
- Encourage the person to talk by asking 'how are you feeling?' or 'how long have you felt like that?'
- Show that you take what they are saying seriously, even if they seem to be joking about suicide.
- Avoid saying, 'Things can't be that bad,' or brushing them aside.
- Don't argue with the person but reassure them that you care about them.
It is difficult to support someone who is suicidal on your own and it can be far too great a responsibility. Try to persuade them to get further help from someone they trust. They might talk to their friends or family, or their GP or contact The Samaritans, or you could contact The Samaritans on their behalf. The Samaritans can then, if appropriate, telephone the person and offer support. You may also need support for yourself from a friend or relative, for example, or from an organisation such as The Samaritans. (See help and info and the box how The Samaritans can help in this feature).
warning signs
In some cases there may be no obvious warning signs. Some people manage to hide their despair so effectively that others are quite unaware of their true feelings and a suicide attempt or suicide may seem to come 'out of the blue'. In other cases signs may include:
- talking about suicidal feelings and suicide, sometimes even describing how they intend to carry out the attempt. It is a myth that people who talk about suicide don't attempt it
- talking about feeling worthless, hopeless, isolated or a failure or seeing no point in life
- a marked change in behaviour such as seeming very calm or cheerful, after a period of distress
- becoming very withdrawn and uncommunicative
- sleeping badly, losing interest in food, drinking more or taking less care of themselves.
It is worth remembering that someone who is starting to recover from severe depression is often at greater risk of suicide than when they were at their lowest point. They may now have the energy to kill themselves that they lacked before.
suicide attempts
It is not known how many people attempt suicide. However it is estimated that about 1.5 times as many women as men try to take their own lives. The majority of those who attempt suicide are single and the attempt rate is high for people who are divorced, widowed or separated. Drug overdose is the most common method used in attempted suicide.
If you know someone has just taken a drug overdose or needs other medical help, get them to the nearest Accident & Emergency Department as soon as possible. Some drugs can cause serious damage even though the person is conscious. In the case of paracetamol the liver can be damaged very quickly and this can be life-threatening.
The reasons people attempt suicide are many and complex. However, research shows that there are a number of problems that are frequently mentioned by people who have attempted suicide as contributing to their distress. They include:
- relationship difficulties, often with a partner but also with other family members. The recent break-up of a close relationship can leave some people particularly vulnerable
- issues to do with studies, work or money. A failed exam, a missed job promotion or financial difficulties can all affect self esteem
- problems with alcohol or drugs. One study showed that around one third of the men and one fifth of the women who attempted suicide were drinking more than the safe limits
- problems arising from having been sexually or physically abused recently or in the more distant past
- difficulties arising from being unemployed, living in a socially deprived environment or feeling lonely and isolated.
People who have made a suicide attempt are usually in an extremely vulnerable state. They are also more at risk of making another attempt in the following months. About 20% of suicide attempters are readmitted to hospital after another attempt in the year following their first attempt, and around 1% of people who attempt suicide will die from suicide within a year.
Anyone who has made a suicide attempt should be offered appropriate professional support both to help them through a difficult time and to enable them to begin to try and sort out the reasons that led to the attempt. However, this does not always occur. It may be necessary to press the hospital or the GP to refer the person for help or suggest where they might go. It is crucial that the person should not be left high and dry.
It is of course sometimes the case that people do not take up offers of help. If this is the case and you are very worried about them you may need to talk to social services or their GP to see what can be done. In extreme cases, where there is felt to be a very high risk of the person attempting suicide, it may be thought necessary to detain them in hospital against their will for their own safety. This is sometimes known as 'sectioning'. For more details on sectioning you might like to refer to the Channel 4 booklet The Brookside Guide to Sectioning and Your Rights (for more information and to order a copy, please ring 08705 44 66 99).
If someone you know well makes a suicide attempt you are likely to feel very shaken, frightened and perhaps angry. Try to remember that the person needs your understanding and support more than ever. Don't be fobbed off with suggestions from others that it was pure attention seeking or a mistake.
how The Samaritans can help
The Samaritans is a national charity which exists to provide support to anyone who is suicidal or despairing. Trained volunteers offer a range of services and all communications are treated in confidence and in a totally non-judgmental way. Details of their services, as well as answers to frequently asked questions, are on their new website at www.samaritans.org. This website can be accessed without The Samaritans logo thus giving greater privacy to people using a computer in public places.
- Telephone helpline: this is open 24 hours a day, every day of the year. If you are in the UK dial the national number O8457 90 90 90 for the cost of a local call. If you are in the Irish Republic dial 1850 60 90 90. If you prefer you can phone your local branch direct. Details will be on the website.
- E-mail: if you prefer to communicate your feelings through e-mail write to jo@samaritans.org The Samaritans will try to reply within 24 hours. You can then write back if you wish. If you are worried about using your own e-mail you can choose an anonymous e-mail address. The website explains how.
- Letter: you may find it easier to send a letter. If so, you can write to Chris at PO Box 90 90, Stirling FK8 2SA. The Samaritans will reply to your letter as soon as possible.
- Face to face: if you would like to talk directly to a volunteer contact your nearest branch. The details are on the website. Most branches are open for callers to drop in but check first.
If you are worried about someone who is suicidal or very distressed you can contact The Samaritans for advice and support for yourself. You can also contact them on the person's behalf to see whether The Samaritans will telephone to offer support. You do not need the person's permission to do so, although it helps if you have it. The Samaritans will discuss with you whether it is appropriate for them to make a call.
suicide
higher risk of suicide
People who have a higher risk of suicide than the general population include those:
- who have made a previous attempt
- where someone else in the family has taken their own life
- with a history of mental illness such as depression, schizophrenia and manic depression
- in prison
- who have a long-term physical illness
- with a history of drug and alcohol misuse
- whose jobs are highly stressful and who have access to means of suicide
- who have experienced a stressful life event such as a bereavement or loss of a job.
Although the rates for suicide have been falling since the l980s, they are still unacceptably high. In 1999, the latest year for which there are figures, there were just over 6,000 suicides recorded in the UK and this is likely to be an underestimate since deaths where there was an element of doubt will not be recorded as suicides.
The Government plans to reduce deaths from suicides and undetermined injury by at least a fifth by 2010. This, they calculate, should save a total of 4,000 lives.
More than three times as many men kill themselves as women and despite the general decrease in the number of suicides, the l990s saw a dramatic increase in the number of suicides by young men aged between 15 and 24.
Discovering that someone has taken their own life can come as an overwhelming shock to people who are close and even to those who knew someone slightly. People are often left asking why and whether there was anything they could have done. They may go round and round in circles, trying to make sense of what so often may seem a terrible waste, as well as grieving for the loss of the person themselves.
If you have been bereaved by a suicide your feelings may be particularly painful and hard to deal with and those close to you may be unable to offer support because they are so distressed as well. Don't hesitate to get help for yourself from your GP, a trusted friend or a helpline ( see help and info).
help and info
Channel 4 is not responsible for the content of third party sites.
To read about one person's suicide attempt and their recovery afterwards check out after a suicide attempt.
organisations
general:
C.A.L.M.
Helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (Sat -Tues, 5pm-midnight every week)
Website: www.thecalmzone.net
Free and confidential helpline aimed at young men aged 15-35 living in Manchester, Merseyside, Cumbria and Bedfordshire who may be feeling low or depressed. Offers telephone counselling and information about other sources of help locally.
ChildLine
45 Folgate Street
London E1 6GL
Helpline: 0800 11 11 (Freephone Open 24 hours every day)
Textphone: 0800 400 222
Website: www.childline.org.uk
UK's free, 24-hour helpline for children and young people. Trained volunteer counsellors provide comfort, advice and protection. Lines can be busy so please try again if you don't get through the first time. Young people can write to the following address and you don't need a stamp: ChildLine, Freepost NATN1111, London E1 6BR.
Depression Alliance
212 Spitfire Studios
63-71 Collier Street
London N1 9BE
Tel: 0845 123 23 20 (Info pack request line)
E-mail: information@depressionalliance.org
Website: www.depressionalliance.org
National network of self-help groups for people experiencing depression. Offers a quarterly newsletter, national pen friend scheme and correspondence service with advice, guidance, support and fellowship to people experiencing depression, and their carers. Produces booklets and leaflets on various aspects of depression.
Maytree – A Sanctuary for the Suicidal
72 Moray Road
London N4 3LG
Tel: 020 7263 7070 (24 hours)
E-mail: maytree@maytree.org.uk
Website: www.maytree.org.uk
Charity providing somewhere safe to stay for people in suicidal crisis. Offers the chance to rest and talk in a supportive non-medical environment. Free short-term stay. Aims to alleviate despair and suicidal thoughts so guests can rediscover the wish to live, or accept introductions to other sources of continuing help. For over 18s from across UK, subject to assessment.
Mental Health Foundation
9th Floor
Sea Containers House
20 Upper Ground
London SE1 9QB
020 7803 1101 (for info or to order a publication)
E-mail: mhf@mhf.org.uk
Website: www.mentalhealth.org.uk
Working to improve the support available for people with mental health problems and learning disabilities. Offers information and literature on all aspects of mental health, including where to get help, treatments and rights. Please note that they do not run a helpline.
Mind (National Association for Mental Health)
15-19 Broadway
London E15 4BQ
Mind Infoline: 0845 766 0163 (Mon-Fri 9.15am-5.15pm)
Tel: 020 8519 2122
E-mail: contact@mind.org.uk
Website: www.mind.org.uk
Campaigns for better mental health services in England and Wales, through its national office, regional offices and network of over 200 local branches, some of which also provide services. Publishes a range of helpful books and leaflets. Contact them for details of your nearest local group and for more information.
PAPYRUS (Prevention of Suicides)
Lodge House
Thompson Park
Ormerod Road
Burnley
Lancashire BB11 2RU
Tel: 01282 432555
Helpline: 08000 684141 (FREE from BT landlines) or 01978 367333 (Mon-Fri 10am-2pm and 7pm-10pm; Sat-Sun 2-5pm)
E-mail: admin@papyrus-uk.org
Website: www.papyrus-uk.org
Involved in raising awareness, research and consultation of suicide prevention and produces resources for health and education. The helpline offers professional help, practical advice and information to the parents, carers, teachers, professionals and friends of young people at risk of suicide.
Samaritans
c/o Chris
PO Box 90 90
Stirling FK8 2SA
Helpline: 08457 90 90 90 (24 hours)
E-mail: jo@samaritans.org
Website: www.samaritans.org
The Samaritans exists to provide confidential emotional support to any person, irrespective of race, creed, age or status who is in emotional distress or at risk of suicide; 24 hours a day. Can be contacted by e-mail, telephone, writing, or by visiting one of over 200 local branches (details are on the website).
SANE
1st Floor
Cityside House
40 Adler Street
London E1 1EE
SANELINE: 0845 767 8000 (every day 6pm-11pm)
E-mail: sanemail@sane.org.uk (admin queries only)
Website: www.sane.org.uk
SANELINE is a National mental health helpline providing information and support for people with mental health problems, and those who support them. They can provide information on the illness and symptoms, local and national mental health services, medication, treatments and therapies.
Trust for the Study of Adolescence (TSA)
23 New Road
Brighton BN1 1WZ
Tel: 01273 693311 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm)
E-mail: info@tsa.uk.com
Website: www.tsa.uk.com
Carries out and supports research into adolescence, and provides information to parents and professionals through its publications department by offering a range of materials on adolescence. Also runs conference and training events. Please note they do not run a helpline and do not offer advice to parents.
YoungMinds
48-50 St John Street
London EC1M 4DG
Tel: 020 7336 8445 (General enquiries)
Parents Helpline: 0800 018 2138 (Mon and Fri 10am-1pm; Tues-Thurs 1-4pm, Wed 1pm-4pm and 6pm-8pm)
Website: www.youngminds.org.uk
Committed to improving the mental health of all children and young people and campaigning for better provision of child and adolescent mental health services. Provides information to anyone with concerns about the mental health or emotional wellbeing of a child or young person, as well as leaflets on mental health issues, and details of local and national advice services. The website has an online e-mail form.
for people bereaved by suicide:
Cruse Bereavement Care
Helpline: 0844 477 9400 (Mon-Fri 9.30am-5pm)
Helpline e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk
General e-mail: info@cruse.org.uk
Website: www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
Runs a helpline and offers counselling, advice and support to anyone who has been bereaved.
SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide)
The Flamsteed Centre
Albert Street
Ilkeston
Derbyshire DE7 5GU
Tel: 0115 944 1117 (General Enquiries)
Helpline: 0844 561 6855 (9am-9pm every day)
E-Mail: sobs.admin@care4free.net
Website: www.uk-sobs.org.uk
National helpline for anyone bereaved by suicide. May be able to put you in touch with a local support group.
Childhood Bereavement Network
8 Wakley Street
London EC1V 7QE
Tel: 020 7843 6309
E-mail: cbn@ncb.org.uk
Website: www.childhoodbereavementnetwork.org.uk
Offers information, guidance and support to children to enable them to manage the impact of death on their lives.
The Compassionate Friends
53 North Street
Bristol BS3 1EN
Helpline: 232304 (every day 10am-4pm and 6.30pm-10.30pm)
E-mail: info@tcf.org.uk
Website: www.tcf.org.uk
Offers understanding, support and friendship to bereaved parents, and their families, who have lost a child of any age and from any circumstance. Support is offered through the helpline, local group meetings, one-to-one visits, letter contact, weekend retreats and gatherings. Produces a quarterly newsletter for parents, grandparents and siblings, and a range of other publications for the family and for professionals. Also runs a postal library service.
websites
Befrienders (run by The Samaritans)
www.befrienders.org
Befrienders listen to people who are lonely, despairing or considering suicide. They don't judge them, don't tell them what to do. They listen. People who feel suicidal are often so focused on a particular problem or pain that they find it difficult to see a way forward. Talking openly to a befriender, in a safe and confidential environment, can help. By listening to a suicidal person, a befriender helps them to listen to themselves. If you're in distress and want to talk to someone via e-mail, please e-mail jo@samaritans.org.
Bereavement Information Pack
www.rcpsych.ac.uk/publications/...
This online information pack is aimed at those bereaved by suicide or other sudden death. It highlights the areas of greatest difficulty for the bereaved person and offers advice on how to get support from friends and family, bereavement support and counselling organisations. Features details of useful contacts and recommended reading.
Factsheets: Suicide
www.childline.org.uk/pdfs/info-suicide.pdf
Part of the ChildLine website, this link is an information sheet about young people and suicide.
Get Connected
Free Helpline: 0808 808 4994 (every day 1pm-11pm)
E-mail: help@getconnected.org.uk
Website: www.getconnected.org.uk
Phone and e-mail service helping young people find the best support whatever their problem. The above helpline is offered free by most mobile phone operators.
HealthyGenius.com
www.healthygenius.com
An extensive new website about mental illness.
RD4U
www.rd4u.org.uk
RD4U is a website designed for young people by young people. It is part of Cruse Bereavement Care's Youth Involvement Project and is there to help young people after the death of someone close. RD4U means the 'road for you' – finding the right road for you to deal with your loss.
reading
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After Suicide: A Ray of Hope for Those Left Behind by Eleanora Betsy Ross (De Capo Press, 2002) |
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How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One person's guide to suicide prevention by Susan Rose Blauner (Harper Paperbacks, 2003) |
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Suicide: The ultimate rejection? by Colin Pritchard (Open University Press, 1995) |
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What To Do When You Really Want To Help But Don't Know How by Susan Quilliam (Transformation Press, 1998) |
Not Just a Cry for Help (Papyrus, 2001) |
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The Grieving Teen: A guide for teenagers and their friends by Helen Fitzgerald (Simon & Schuster, 2000) |
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Children and Grief: When a parent dies by J William Worden (Guildford Press, 2002) |
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(December 2001, resources updated April 2008)
