'I'm petrified of loud noises. Can you help?'
|
Q: I feel so stupid writing this but I am scared of loud noises, I mean really petrified. The thing is my boyfriend wants me to go to a big New Year party and there's bound to be party poppers and balloons and things and I know I'll just freak out and panic. Even thinking of people opening champagne at midnight makes me go hot and shaky. I really want to go with my boyfriend and I said I will go, but I know I can't and I'm so stressed out. We have been together six months and I know he loves me, but he's bound to change his mind if he finds out how pathetic I am to be scared of harmless party poppers. Can you help me? Milly, 18 |
our online advisors reply:
It's not as unusual as you might think to have a fear of loud noises. But this fear is obviously seriously affecting the way you live your life. You are even worried that you might lose your boyfriend and it's not surprising that this is making you stressed.
Anxiety, which can often make us feel panicky, hot and shaky, is a natural response to a dangerous or threatening situation. However, as you have suggested, party poppers, balloons and champagne corks are not usually dangerous. Extreme fear of something that is basically harmless is known as a phobia. There is a more detailed explanation of phobias in our abc of mind.
I don't think you are 'stupid' or 'pathetic' at all, though I can understand why you might feel like that. Phobias may seem irrational, but the effects of the fear are certainly real and can make life very difficult, as you have found. It is possible to get back in control though, no matter how long you have suffered from this anxiety. Part of this is learning to accept the fear, rather than fight it. This is not easy to do on your own, but can be done with support. It takes time but you will get through this.
It might help you to start by calling the No Panic helpline on 0808 808 0545. This would give you a chance to talk about your problem and perhaps work out what to do next. Our article about phobias has information about overcoming them, including details of other sources of support.
The usual treatments for phobias are various types of behavioural therapies, but many people find that things like aromatherapy, herbal medicine, meditation and hypnotherapy can help them cope with the symptoms of anxiety and panic. If you'd like to learn more about these, and other alternative therapies that might help, take a look at the complementary medicine section of our site.
Finally, Milly, are you sure that your boyfriend would stop loving you if you talked to him about how you feel? It might sound difficult, but open communication often strengthens relationships. I can't say how he would react, but when we love someone we usually want to help them through difficult times. Your boyfriend might well want to support you through this, and his support could be a big source of strength in dealing with your phobia. It probably seems daunting to think about telling him. If you decide to call the people at No Panic, perhaps you could ask them to help you think through the different ways of approaching the subject with him.
Channel 4 is not responsible for the content of third party sites.
