cocaine: the best marketed product in the world?

Michael, 21, talks openly about cocaine, its appeal, and the effect it had on his life.

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'Why the title you might ask? Well, cocaine has the cultural cachet of being exclusive, expensive and glamorous. In reality, it possesses none of these qualities. No longer the preserve of the city boy, the young aristocrat, the criminal, Charlie has become truly popular – within all sections of society – and its use is on the increase.

'I didn't encounter cocaine until I left school and went to university. If I had done so beforehand, I doubt university would have been an option for me. Before I got caught up in what my friends and I call "sniff" I went through school getting quite good GCSEs and A-levels. My parents had split up when I was five and the ensuing relationships with both my mother and stepmother were turbulent. I was continually criticised causing me to have low self esteem and become angry and depressed. When I left home I was looking forward to a new life at uni, but my depression was to become worse for one reason: class A drug abuse.

the buzz

'Getting into cocaine was far easier than getting out of it. When people begin using drugs, there's often talk of "peer-pressure". I wasn't pressured at all by my friends. In fact many of them did drugs for years before I began. I think I just felt a real sense that I was missing out on something and I would always rather do something and deal with the consequences than feel I have missed an opportunity. With an increasing number of my friends doing cocaine and ecstasy I thought I'd give it a try. The flaw in this idea was that I thought I would do it just once or twice, forgetting that I have an addictive and compulsive personality. So I ended up doing cocaine and some ecstasy about three or four times a week for two years. The rather ironic thing about "sniff" is that it gets better the more times you take it; that's to say the first few times you do it, it has virtually no effect. So when my fellow sniffers informed me of this, I did what most stupid teenagers in my position would have done – did more and more so the "buzz" would get better.

energy and confidence

'When you're "sniffed up" on coke it gives you more energy and confidence. These happen to be, in my opinion, two of the most important ingredients for success in life. Without doubt I have met more people whilst on cocaine and ecstasy than at any other point in my life (unfortunately, I remember very few of them). This is why it is not just misguided youths doing it, but stockbrokers, television personalities and even doctors. However it isn't all a bed of roses. You can only maintain excellence and coherence if it is good quality and you do it in small amounts. High quality coke if done in these "small amounts" and if good quality does make you perform with a higher degree of excellence in many ways. This applies especially to people with low self-esteem, who are perhaps more prone to addiction. After all, what person who doesn't feel that great about themselves wouldn't want bags of extra confidence? When I did it in moderation in bars, I used to strut around confidently talking to all and sundry and chatting up large numbers of women. Another example of this is that when I had things under control in my sales job, my figures were 30 percent higher whilst on coke. The problem is that few people can continue in moderation, since cocaine is so addictive. Also, the newfound confidence frequently turns to arrogance, which is not a much-liked quality.

addiction

'When you become accommodated to the buzz cocaine gives, it goes from being an insignificant white powder to a highly addictive substance. If you've never really suffered from one, by 'addiction' I mean it's frequently on your mind and, most importantly of all, you know it's the last thing on earth you should do but you do it anyway.

'Being a fun-loving and highly compulsive person by nature, I began to take far larger amounts (this was during the year out that I had to take between my first and second year of uni). I refer not only to frequency over the week or amount over the course of an evening, but amount per line. As I entered into what I refer to as my "bad phase", which lasted about six months, I found myself doing quarter gram lines. At this point you stop operating with a higher degree of excellence and become "completely fucked", as the expression goes in the drug-taking world. One evening I sniffed almost an entire gram wrap in one go because I was already drunk and "coked up" and also because I'm compulsive. The resulting effect, as my friend put it, was that I turned into a mental patient for three hours before I passed out and the only coherent thing I said was "kebab". When you do large quantities of coke your muscles begin to seize up and your vision becomes blurred. You also get hot and often begin to "gurn". This is when you continually move your jaw around tensing and untensing the jaw muscle. This occurs with worse severity with lower quality coke and whilst on ecstasy.

'An enormous problem with taking cocaine is that it can be cut with almost anything from antihistamines to speed. If you get highly re-pressed cocaine (meaning it has been cut and re-pressed into a block again) it generally has far worse effects on your health than purer coke because there are more random substances being put into your body.

the downside

'Having virtually given up cocaine (I now only do it once in a blue moon), I can see the positives and negatives more clearly. I now believe all the positives are illusional, although I must say the horrendous experience helped me realise what things are important in life and which direction I should be going with my life. Admittedly I did also have some fun nights out with my friends. However these positives are far outweighed by the negatives. I believe the downsides to coke vary from person to person but this is what I found. Whilst on coke and when feeling the mental comedown for up to a week afterwards, my aggression and irritability levels rocketed to transform me into almost a different person. This caused me relationship problems with family, friends and girlfriends of whom thankfully almost all have stood by me. The effects on my body have been overwhelming. I went from being an athletic and sporty thirteen and a half stone man to becoming an eleven and a half stone "bag of bones" (I am six foot four) in less than a year. I now suffer with spinal de-alignment, causing me daily pain. I get muscle spasms in my back, shoulders, neck, arms, legs and even occasionally face. Unfortunately, if you inform the NHS that you have used drugs they seem to lose interest in your case, which is why I am struggling to get treatment. Some of my friends have suffered similar effects but not with matching severity.

'All of these negative effects were what helped me to cut my drug use down to virtually nothing. Really it was not so much the physical effects, but the mental ones. I still remember the agony I experienced, about a year and a half into my addiction, when I felt I would never again be the caring, generous, funny and fun loving person I was before I began. I had turned into a selfish, angry, manipulative person who found it hard to laugh at anything, all because I felt so sorry for myself. But never fear! Apart from some outstanding physical problems, virtually all relationships are repaired and I have a reasonable build about me again. I have also just got a good 2.2 in my second year at university and have never been happier before in my life.

effective education

'Still I fret. Why, you ask? Because the problem for others of my generation are just as bad and, I believe, getting worse. I would estimate thirty percent of all the people of a young age I know have used cocaine. I believe part of the problem lies with the education of people, especially youngsters, by the government on drugs. Whilst I was in the midst of my drug limbo, I heard my stepmother educating my sister on cannabis. She had a leaflet from school and was saying how evil and terrible it was. Obviously I thought, "what a load of rubbish". The problem is, if a young person is told that something is awful and then their friends tell them the complete opposite, they will believe their friends and be far less likely to trust the preaching adults again. I feel that to save our country from a drugs overload a new approach must be taken, whereby teenagers are given a more balanced view and perhaps talked to by people with first-hand experience of the negative effects.'

help and info

If you think someone you know may have a problem with drugs, families and friends has advice about what you can do, or you could contact one of the organisations below.

If you think you may have a problem yourself and want advice or help, check out problems and services or contact one of the organisations below.

Channel 4 is not responsible for the content of third party sites.

organisations

Cocaine Anonymous
PO Box 46920
London E2 9WF
Helpline: 020 7284 1123 (10am-10pm every day)
E-mail: helpline@cauk.org.uk
Website: www.cauk.org.uk
A network of self-help groups offering support for those wanting to recover from cocaine dependence.

Addaction
67-69 Cowcross Street
London EC1M 6PU
Tel: 020 7251 5860
E-mail: info@addaction.org.uk
Website: www.addaction.org.uk
Addaction runs community-based and prison-based projects for the treatment of drug and alcohol problems, and provides specialist services for the treatment of young people.

FRANK
Helpline: 0800 77 66 00 (24 hours)
Textphone: 0800 917 8765
E-mail: frank@talktofrank.com
Website: www.talktofrank.com
Provides free confidential drugs information and advice 24 hours a day. All calls are confidential. Use the website's search facility to get the contact details of organisations offering practical help and support in your area.

Lifeline
101-103 Oldham Street
Manchester M4 1LW
Helpline: 0161 839 2054 (Mon-Fri 9.30am-5pm)
E-mail: acs@lifeline.org.uk
Website: www.lifeline.org.uk
Confidential advice, information and support for drug users, their family and friends. Lifeline have offices in Manchester, East Lancashire, West Yorkshire and Calderdale providing a range of services.

websites

Action on Addiction
www.aona.co.uk
An information service for people who are worried that they have an addiction or that a friend or member of the family might have a problem.

Drugscope: cocaine and crack
www.drugscope.org.uk/druginfo/ ..
More detailed information on cocaine and crack.

The Centre for Recovery
www.recovery.org.uk
Comprehensive website containing information and advice on drug and alcohol abuse.

New Choices
www.cocaine-addiction.co.uk
Private clinic that runs community-based programmes for beating cocaine addiction. Uses one-to-one counselling.

The Site
www.thesite.org.uk
General site for young people with extensive drug information and drug first aid, plus pages on other issues including sex, relationships, money and housing.

(September 2003, resources updated February 2005)