4Food caught up with the grande dame of good manners, Diana Mather, at her Public Image school of etiquette for a lesson in how to be a gracious guest
If you're in any doubt you should always ask what to wear but it's the responsibility of the host to inform guests of the dress code. The mode of invitation is always a good clue, for instance if you receive a written invitation for a barbecue you can probably take it that it will be more formal than a shorts and t-shirt affair.
Never take wine unless you know the hosts really well as you'll have no idea what to buy. You don't want to buy a really expensive vintage claret when your host is planning to serve something cheaper as you'll make them feel awkward and similarly you don't want to turn up with something cheap if they're serving something vintage.
Don't take too much as you're putting your host under an obligation when they return the favour and don't expect what you bring to be consumed on the night. The gift is for the host as a token of your appreciation.
Flowers are always acceptable but should be given in their own water otherwise you're creating a problem for the host as to what to do with them. They'll have to stop what they're doing and find a vase.
Eat as much as you can and when you've had all you can manage put the rest to one side. If the host asks whether you liked it always say 'yes, it was lovely'. Never say it was horrible but don't enthuse too much and your host should take the hint and not cook it for you again.
You should always thank your hosts as soon as possible following the same mode as the invitation. So if you have been invited by post, send your thank you in a letter. But if it was an email invitation you can reply by email. Take your cue from the host. It is extremely bad manners not to thank the host.
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