4Food caught up with the grande dame of good manners, Diana Mather, at her Public Image school of etiquette for a lesson in dinner party hosting, high society style
The choice of guests is crucial to the success of a dinner party. It is important the guests have at least one thing in common. Age doesn't matter that much as long as people have some common ground and it's good to mix people who don't know each other. If you've invited guests with partners do some research - if they're likely to be quiet put them next to someone chatty and if the partner turns out to be really ghastly don't ask them again.
How you invite people is dependant on the sort of dinner party it is. If you ring people to invite them that infers a less formal occasion than if you write. Emailed invites are fine if you and your guest regularly use emails to correspond.
Formal, written invites should be sent out six weeks in advance but invites by phone can be done two weeks before depending on the business of your guest's schedules.
You need to know a bit about your guests beforehand so you can supply a conversational spring board to the other guests if they don't know each other.
Avoid snails or other foods that a good deal of people don't like. Also anything that people are likely to have an allergy to. I never put nuts out anymore. It is important to ask people's dietary requirements beforehand but it is up to the guest to say if they have allergies. Always have a vegetarian option on hand even if it's just fresh pasta and a sauce.
Serve nibbles but not too many. Make sure your guests don't fill up too much. Have a good range of soft drinks on offer; Virgin Marys are good but never orange juice as it often doesn't work well with the food.
Keep drinks topped up but not over filled and if you know your guests are likely to get too drunk, watch how much they are drinking.
Never seat couples together and always try to make it man, woman, man, woman. Odd numbers are fine. Serve the food from right to left but pour the wine to the right. Always have hot plates if serving hot food and place the vegetables on the table but only at the last minute.
Generally speaking money is very crass, religion should be avoided and sex should be kept for the bedroom. Politics used to be frowned upon but is now OK as long as it doesn't get too heated. It is down to the host to monitor this and change the subject if necessary. Something topical is always good to start things off.
I never play music. It's fine to put something on quietly in the background when people arrive but nothing too distracting so people can listen to each other. Don't play anything during dinner.
I never do games but for younger people or friends who meet regularly they can be fun. Make sure all your guests are up for it though or some could be left feeling uncomfortable.
If you have an early start the following morning, don't be afraid to say so in the invitation and warn your guests. Then the initial step is to stop serving alcohol and then stop serving anything. Your guests should soon take the hint.
If any of the guests have to leave early they should tell you before hand and then, when the time comes, you can announce the departure but reassure the other guests that they don't have to leave.
Now learn how to be a gracious guest
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