Latest features Wedding diets from hell

Date Published:

06/05/2008

As the wedding season gets going 4Food looks at crazy diets that turn normal women into Bridezilla

Summer's here, love is in the air and the wedding season is upon us. Whether you’re the bride to be, her rapturous mother or one of the reluctant bridesmaids being strong-armed into a sweetheart neckline, the need to look good in taffeta is looming. But before you embark on a diet of rice cakes and celery take heed. 4Food has been gathering up tales of gastronomic sadism and its unexpected repercussions.

The water feature

It's a common belief that water will fill you up and quell your appetite without piling on the pounds. Great, everyone knows it's good to drink lots of water but more as an accompaniment to your daily intake rather than the main event. A popular trick when it comes to crash diets is to cut down on solids; dropping two of the scheduled three square meals and replacing them with a refreshing glass of council pop. Economical it may be but satisfying and inspiring it is not.

Firstly there's the will power involved, many a bride-to-be has starved herself crazy for months on end with spaced out sips of liquidised meals only to lose it weeks before the big day and gorge themselves silly on spot-inducing fried foods and their bodyweight in chocolate.

Got the energy?

Secondly, there's the effect on energy levels. It's a given that your other half would be pleased to walk down the aisle with a slim trim you. However, it's doubtful he wants to marry a grey-skinned, lack-lustre sloth of a woman who's going to faint at the thought of shuffling ten metres down the aisle towards him.

Spicing it up

And finally it's incredibly dull. The ever-resourceful among us have taken to sprucing up our liquid lunches with a pinch of spice. Rumour has it that combining warm water with spicy additives such as paprika not only makes that hundredth glass of water more appealing but will have a speeding effect on your metabolism, causing you to shed pounds faster than you can say 'I crave carbohydrate'. But none of this will help you escape from the fact that for weeks on end you'll be tucking into tepid tap water instead of eating a proper meal. Eat a low-fat curry it'll have the same effect - and you won't want to weep.

Solitary culinary confinement

The main problem with watching your weight so intently is you can become somewhat obsessive. One friend of 4Food boldly embarked on a weight-loss programme in the months before her wedding and patiently counted the calories of everything she consumed. While her husband-to-be wasn't subjected to as strict a diet doctrine he too was forced to adhere to the regimented controls. Needless to say things became tense. Meal times were miserable with the couple eating different dishes, separately prepared and silently consumed while the bride-to-be slipped ever nearer to self-induced psychosis.

The final straw came a few weeks before the happy day when the couple were sitting down to a humble repast of baked potatoes. The soon-to-be groom brightened up his spud with a small dollop of low-fat cream cheese before cutting up his loved one's portion and, in line with her requests, leaving it dry. But tired and distracted the well meaning boyfriend neglected to switch knives, meaning the tiniest spec of low-fat cream cheese could be seen atop of the dry potato. The result? Hell bent fury as our bride-to-be vented unparalleled rage at her partner's neglect and cavalier attitude to her dieting needs. They fought, they wept and they didn't speak for days until the groom threatened to withdraw his request to marry such an unbalanced loon (all-be-it with a nice flat belly). Luckily she came to her senses and they wed in bliss a few weeks later but it was touch and go for a while.

Keeping focus

Of course you want to look good on your wedding day. The world and his wife have turned up to see you, your every move is being documented by a hired photographer and your uncle Dennis on the hand-held camera, and the love of your life is waiting nervously at the end of the aisle to gaze open-mouthed at the approaching beauty.

But every diet should be approached with caution. Eating well and exercising frequently are a better bet than wild diet plans made up of liquids, laxatives and chain-smoking cigarettes. Above all keep calm, weddings are supposed to be happy events. You've found someone to spend the rest of your life with and I'm betting the attraction has deeper roots than what you can do with a spoon of paprika.

You've read how not to do it, now read our food guide for beautiful brides.