Latest features Top 10 celebrity food crimes

Date Published:

06/11/2007

There have been many awful crimes against food committed in the name of 'celebrity endorsements'. Here are some of the tackiest and most tasteless.

William Shatner ketchup

To be fair, this was a one-off, rather than a regularly available product, but the sheer mind-blowing surrealism behind it deserves respect. In 2004, Heinz joined forces with Swarovski crystals to create four mega-bling 'celebrity talking bottles' of ketchup. Shatner's bottle, on which he proudly declared 'Heinz Ketchup fixes burgers at warp speed', took pride of place for its unique mix of flashiness and tackiness.

Smokey Robinson's Down Home Pot Roast

It comes as a faint surprise that the legendary Smokey Robinson - singer responsible for such hits as 'Tracks Of My Tears' and 'Love Machine' - is still alive. It comes as even more of a surprise that his grinning, mummified image is selling a range of products that are designed to convey the idea that 'the soul is in the bowl'. No, Smokey. The soul is in the cash machine, and that scraping sound is coming from the bottom of the barrel.

Ernest Hemingway's Bimini Marinade

So far, the idea of exploiting dead celebrities to sell food products hasn't really caught on. Not because it's too tasteless, but because most of the target market wouldn't have heard of them. However, there is a glorious exception. The Nobel Prize-winning novelist and adventurer Ernest Hemingway has a range of sauces named after him, in 'robust flavours inspired by the adventurous location associated with him'. Whatever next? Ian McEwan porridge? Martin Amis balti?

Paul Newman organic peanut butter dog treats

Clearly, this was the sequel that they never got around to making. "In a world…where peanut butter was king…the greatest story of them all…was the return of Butch Cassidy (cue shot of Paul Newman looking grizzled yet heroic) and his dog Sundance (cue shot of organic dog munching on peanut butter treats). Coming to a dog kennel near you this holiday season."

Olympia Dukakis Greek Salad dressing

A recipe for sure-fire integrity destruction. Take one Oscar-winning actress, famous for her roles in 'Moonlighting' and 'Steel Magnolias'. Add an ambitious food producer keen to make his name as a producer of 'famous foods' piggybacking on celebrity names. Season with the usual Hollywood schmoozing ("This'll revolutionalise the Greek salad!"). And serve, reluctantly. The company producing this is called 'Famous Fixins'. No more need be said.